Friday, October 22, 2010

2 Of 40

For 1 Of 40, see here.

I'm a list girl. My entire daily existence centers around getting things done on my list. The one I keep in my head and the one I actually put pen to paper. During the day, I rarely sit down or watch TV. It's how I roll. After 7:00 pm, I do nothing. Except read. I really like doing nothing. I just can't find a way to do it all day long.

Addie asks me every other day to come to school and eat lunch with her. As soon as she asks, the thoughts in my head spin through all the things I need to accomplish that day, and I tell her that I just can't make it.
But my mother heart feels weighed with guilt. Can I eat lunch with her every day? Of course not. But she is my child and she has asked to spend time with me. So I feel guilt when I tell her 'no'. Because really, how much longer will she want to have lunch with her mom?

So, this week, when the question arose, just like it always does, I did the opposite of what I would normally do. I said, 'yes'. She bounced with happiness and immediately dictated her happy meal order.

All throughout the morning, and even on my drive to pick up McDonald's, I cycled the list in my head. I couldn't let go of all the things I could be getting done. I couldn't seem to focus on what I should be doing.

But then we sat together at the lunch table. She chewed and talked, and went on and on with stories. I watched her. Really watched her. And, you know what happened? The list in my head faded away. It was just her and I having lunch. Simple, unadorned, important.

Sometimes the greatest moments are found when we listen to our heart when it speaks. Most often it is so quiet, we drown it out with the voice in our head. Maybe my list needs a new item: Listen with your heart, not your head. Check.

1 comment :

Taryn said...

You are my hero (you and your sister of course!) I ALWAYS enjoy your posts, this one brought me to tears. Simple and true, and ironically enough..... it happened to me last week with my Reagan. Thank You!