Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Rising Above

Every now and then, my kids miraculously rise above their DNA. They heroically show that they can, at all odds, be better than their inherited genetics.

It's shocking and magical, all at the same time.

Child #1 made National Honor Society.

Somewhere along the way, a recessive smart gene must have slipped into her lineup. Because clearly, she does not take after either of her parents.

Thank heavens for miracles.

Monday, April 21, 2014

How We Do The Bunny Day

I have good intentions when it comes to Easter.
Every year.
I truly do.

But then I go to the store, and the candy goodness sucks me in.
The Peeps. Oh, The Peeps.
I speak your name with reverence.

And I consider, for 1.3 milliseconds, switching it up. In this house, we have scads of candy. Miles and miles of it. On a daily basis. So, every Easter I get this twitch of an idea to put vegetables in their baskets. Carrots, broccoli, maybe a zucchini (I honestly bet it's been years since I bought broccoli). I would probably put in a lovely container of Ranch dip, just because I'm awesome like that.

But then......
You know.....
The Peeps {sigh}
And the Reese's Bunny the size of my hand {tears of joy}

So, candy it is. So. Much. Candy.
Now that everyone is in school today, I want to lay on the floor and cover myself with it all. But I won't. Maybe.

Child #3 was kind enough to type up an "Easter List". She spent hours on it. First, she texted it to me. When I rolled my eyes at her, she upped her game. She spent an hour making a colored coded list and then posted it by the phone.

At one point she had "Redo my room" on the list. Obviously she realized that was a little extravagant for an Easter basket, and removed that item. And it was way super nice of her to give the Easter Bunny the option of black OR gray Toms. Such a sweet girl.

I left the egg dying up to my sister. Anything labor intensive, messy, or in any way difficult, I try to pawn off on her. Works nearly every time. Best sister ever. And we will NOT discuss the fact that Angel Baby is sitting near the edge of the counter and could fall off any minute.

While waiting for the bus this morning with Child #3, I confessed to her that I'm a terrible mother. I explained that I focused way too much on candy instead of focusing on the Savior and His sacrifice for us. You know, the actual real reason for Easter.

Her response? "Oh, you're totally a good mom. We talked about that stuff really quick in the car, on the way to church."


Make sure you eat a Peep today.
Or seven.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Apparently, Doctor's Tell The Truth

Spoiler Alert: Pictures may hurt your eyes.

I had more skin cancer removed.
I had forgotten what cauterized, burning flesh smells like.
So that was a nice reminder.

This is me. In my 2nd ever selfie:
13 stitches and super cute earrings.
The Husband inquired why I avoid eye contact in my only 2 selfies.
I told him that I'm trying to keep the mystery alive.

I ran a bazillion errands looking like this. I have no shame.

The doctor told me that my face might have swelling.
I totally, completely didn't believe her.
Because seriously, this ain't my first rodeo.
Swelling? Psssh. Whateves.

Um. my forehead looks like it might have swallowed a gigantic jelly bean.

So, I iced my face. Or really, my forehead. So the jelly bean would go away.

It did.
But it just oozed down into  my eye. For the holy moly! I have got to stop taking scary looking selfies. My eye is so swollen, I don't even dare drive. It's all sorts of ridiculous. I feel like my own personal freak show.

I mean, what do you do from here? Cucumber slices?

I may, or may not, have considered putting hemorrhoid cream on that side of my face. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I might find an extra large Easter bonnet to wear on Sunday.
With matching sunglasses.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Speaking Of....

Do you ever feel like you're drowning when it comes to your parenting skills? Like you're completely out of your league? Yes? Daily? I know. Me too.

When your kids are little, you fight singular battles. They usually involve just the child and your own physical exhaustion. I had a 2 year old that pulled out all her hair. 3 times within 1 year. I was way out of my league with that one.

But then your kids grow up. And your battles expand. You have to parent your child vs. the world. With a heavy dose of technology mixed in. There really is no league for all that. The Pinterest world doesn't cover that kind of stuff. Because it's just too real and too hard. You know?

I need to create a site for parents of teenagers. I could call it, "Survive Or Die".

It's been a heavy few weeks of parenting around here. Can you tell?

Speaking of teenagers....I applied for a job. A few months ago. With the school district. What does that have to do with teenagers? Well, in their lengthy application process, they ask if you speak any languages. And guess what I wrote......Teenager. For serious.

In my official job application, I put down that I speak Teenager.
Because, really. I do.
I thought it was rather clever. No? Yes?
I never got asked to come in for an interview.
I know, shocking.

Speaking of shocking....I've been sewing. Not by choice, mind you. Sewing is not in my skill set. Not even close.

Children #1 and #2 need scripture clothing for a Youth Conference. I can't even talk about the logistics of making said clothing, because I will cry. Big, huge Texas tears.

The sewing machine I have was my mother's when she was in high school! I rarely, or never, pull it out. It weighs as much as a baby hippo.

Yesterday, after I was 4 hours deep into my sewing extravaganza (nightmare), I came to the conclusion that I would willing sell any organ at that very moment in exchange for free sewing time.

No need to offer your services now, because I'm all done. I bet they start unraveling within the first 15 minutes after they put them on. Guess what? I don't even care. I'll just send along a roll of duct tape.

See? I told you I speak Teenager.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Gift From The Girls

The Stats

On this day:

I have loved him for 19 years.
That's 6,935 days.
Give or take a few where he was really annoying.

And he also celebrates his birthday.
But, I can't tell you his age. That's just embarrassing.
We got married when he turned 30. Does that help?

Happy birthday/anniversary (birthsary?) to the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

That's something you just can't count.

For legit.

Monday, April 7, 2014

The Bullet Points

I organize my life like a bullet point list. In my head, I tend to keep tabs on all the random and strange that makes up this family. I have no idea why. Maybe I'm just wired to think in the form of lists. I love them. They make everything feel orderly and logical when reality is just a crazy big ball pit. You know?

Bullet #1-
Pom Poms are everywhere on the Internet. Big ones, small ones. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has "claimed" they are easy to make. And right now, I heart the pom poms a whole, huge ton. So, in my head, I said to myself, "How hard can it be?" I decided to make an entire room full of pom poms. Scads of them. Enough to cover the globe!
And then I made 3.
These stupid pom poms brought me to my knees and tears to my eyes.

Let's just say I'm far too obsessive about the exactness of the circular shape. These poms started out quite large. And then my crazy senses kicked in and I just trimmed them to death. Every angle just didn't look round enough, so I clipped away. It took me an hour to make these irritating balls of puff.

From now on, I'm going to out-source the pom pom making.

Bullet #2-
Last night I had a crystal clear dream that I was trying to take the perfect picture to post on my blog. Seriously? Apparently so. I was making the children jump off a ledge into water. They had to repeat the action several times to get it just right. Clearly, my priorities are a little imbalanced.

Bullet #3-
On Saturday, Child #3 and her friend decided to make cupcakes. It was one of those afternoons where I just wanted her to be involved in an activity that required nothing from me. So, they baked away.

2 hours later, she texted The Husband and I to let us know they were standing on the corner selling cupcakes. Truly, I had no idea they had even left the house.
Being the good mother I am. I walked out to investigate. The cupcakes had drawn a large crowd. All under the age of 11. I told her she couldn't run in the street. And then I walked back home and sat on the couch. Why, oh why, have parenting magazines around the world not called me to write expert articles for them? It's a mystery.

Bullet #4-
Child #2 split her pants. For reals. She said she bent over to take a funny picture with her friends and they ripped right open. Apparently, hand-me-down jeans will only last so long.
As of today, this girl now only owns 1 pair of jeans and 1 pair of yoga pants. I'm totally considering looking up the school dress code to see if she can wear pajama pants.

Enjoy your Monday.
Make your own bullet point list and don't split your pants.