Sunday, November 30, 2008

Eat At Your Own Risk

The missionaries came for dinner tonight. I'm sure they were desperate. Why else would you come here? Willingly? They have been to our house before, so they knew what they were in for. I did warn them. Here is just a sample of the questions they were asked:
  • What color is your room?
  • Do you sleep in the same room?
  • Do you sleep together?
  • Do you have kids?
  • Why don't you have kids?
  • Do you have a mom?
  • What's her name?
  • What is your favorite color?
  • What is your favorite thing to eat?
  • What is your favorite number?
  • Why do you like that number?
  • What color is your phone?
  • Why don't you have any freckles?
  • Did you know you have a lot of hair on your arms?
These poor boys made it through an entire hour here. And lived. Maybe it's because they are doing the work of the Lord. They have a force field of protection. I gotta get me one of those.

Friday, November 28, 2008


First Birthday

I don't think she has closed her mouth since then.

Sixth Birthday

When did time speed by from 1 yr. old to 6? Looking back makes it all feel like it's passing faster than I want it to. It also makes the moments of joy stand out brighter than they did at their original occurrence. Reflection is funny that way. The bad is always there, but the good becomes better somehow. It happens every birthday. I look at my child and remember the bad, the hard, the heartbreaking. But my mind seems only to dwell on the good, the joy, the love.

And so I gaze at this child of mine who looks and talks like a tornado, and all I see is the good, the joy and the love. I see the kind of mother that her spirit is nudging me to be. I try to see what He sees.

Addie is many things, but shy is not one of them. She oozes freedom and independence, regardless of my instruction. She has an incessant need to talk ALL THE TIME and to cling to those around her like velcro. She is smart and stubborn and ridiculously determined. She is my Addie. And today she is six. I looked at her today and told her how happy I was that Heavenly Father let her be mine. I'm sure I'll change my mind about that tomorrow. But for today, she is my good, my joy and my love.

Happy Birthday Bean

Addison is quite obsessive over wintergreen lifesavers (and bacon).
Nana bought the smallest bag she could find....

Painting pottery with her friend Alexis.

Celebrating at Red Robin.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Crack In A Wrapper

Did you know that they are now selling crack at Costco? And they were nice enough to decorate it with sprinkles. It doesn't look like a narcotic when it's pretty. Pick some up for the feast tomorrow. Why eat pie when you can eat frosting?

Monday, November 24, 2008

Something Wicked This Way Comes

I could feel it before we even got in the car...that mother instinct that whispers, "somethin' wretched is a comin'...." I knew what was in store, but I was just too tired to gear up for it. Stake Conference. Super-sized church. Two hours of threats to make my kids behave. Two hours of looking at all the parents who gave birth to reverent children. The ordeal was yesterday, and only now can I write about it. Cringe.

My first hint should have been the family that moved 5 minutes after we sat down. When we first plopped into our seats, I turned to warn them of what it was like to sit by us. They left soon thereafter. The mom leaned down and said to me, "I promise it's not you." Oh, uh huh, and I'm Nancy Reagan. As the meeting started, I tried channeling all the positive mom-ness I possessed. It lasted 8 minutes. After that, I was reverently yelling at them through my clenched teeth. At one point, Addie was trying to color on my shoe and hit me, Makell was laying on the floor in the isle with a 2 yr. old, and I'm trying to get them to both return to their seats. As I sighed with stress, I noticed a note from one of my kids. It is laying out in the isle for all to see, written in big letters, "You're A Loser!" At least all the words were spelled correctly.

Just as the freak show was in full tilt, I looked to Todd for help. He doesn't notice my distress call because he's coloring! In--A--Coloring--Book! He is so focused on his parrot, he doesn't have a clue about his surroundings. His greatest concern is the pattern he is coloring on the parrots wing! For the love of all that is just and true, are you kidding me!? I swear I almost clocked him, along with the kids.

After the meeting ended, my fury had caused me to be mute. I couldn't speak for fear of the profanity I would use in the church. You can cuss at home, but not on hallowed ground. A woman from my ward commented, "wow, you sure have been blessed with some....uh....lively children."

For reals, my calling and election is made sure.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Sew Perfect

During the summer, Makell decided to sew. She wrote her name in her own handwriting, traced it on muslin, and then stitched away. 14 minutes into the adventure, she realized that it just wasn't possible to sit still long enough to finish her masterpiece. So until now, her needlepoint has sat in a drawer. Today it was revived. What else are you going to do when you have strep throat and can't play with friends? Sew of course. This little lightning bolt girl actually sat still. For an hour. Pure delight.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Experiment Upon My Word

This is the entrance to our back door. It is the main door that we ALL use at least 84 times each day. For some reason that I have yet to discover, the girls leave their shoes here. Right outside the door. If they would actually open the door and take 1 step, they could put their shoes INSIDE the house.

I'm so sick of picking up everyone's shoes, I could just gnaw my finger off. So, I decided to try an experiment. I would leave them. Surely someone OTHER THAN ME (and there is another adult who lives here) would pick them up:

It is now 10 days later. Just look at the progress:

For the love of sanity people!! Pick. Up. Your. Crap.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Babies, Babies, and Babies

I absolutely adore babies when I don't have to be the one to incubate them. Lately I have gotten a slight reprimand from several of you, for not posting updates about the twins. So, here are all the girl additions to this family...

Two days after the twins were born, my brother and my sister-in-law delivered this sweet piece of goodness. Her name is Tess and could she be more beautiful!? I think modeling might be in her future. I'm over the moon about her hair. It's killing me not to fly to Chicago to accessorize it.

One twin home, one to go....Keagan came home last Friday. She weighs 4.7 pds. She makes her car seat look like it was made for Goliath.

Riley is still in the hospital. She now weighs 2.9 pds. They are projecting that she might come home on Saturday. She definitely won't fit in her Goliath car seat. Maybe she could fit perfectly in the doll carrier I've got upstairs.

Little pieces of heaven.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Colorful Bras

For as long as I can remember, I've longed to wear a colored bra. Especially black. But no matter where I shop, black bras don't exist in minuscule sizes. So, it's always been white. My sister actually found a fleshy colored bra for my birthday one year. It made me instantly feel like a grown-up. I had a roommate in college who's mom would send her a matching bra and undies for every holiday. Until that time I had no idea you could even buy bras with christmas trees on them. I was riveted at the sight.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with some friends and the discussion turned to boobs. Each of these girls for surely could fit in christmas tree bras. I told them that my bras are sold in the juniors department. In a box. With a 12 year old on the front. They proceeded to tell me that their endowment can actually be a burden. Huh? What a lie. "It's true", they said. "Crumbs get stuck in my bra all the time". "Oh, and last night I took off my bra and there was a piece of bread in there!" Hello!? How fantastic is that! Your boobs are big enough to lodge a piece of bread! A piece of bread! I was spinning with jealousy. "Sometimes you have to move them over so your kids can sit next to you." Holy moly, it's like the most ultimate accessory. The mere fact that you can move them makes me covet. Wow. Some people are just more lucky than others.

While these ladies were comparing bra sizes, I came to the realization that my bra size is the equivalent to the smallest size of batteries. Nice thought. I think I'm going to just shove a piece of bread in there to make myself feel better. Of course, it won't stay there long. Its just going to fall and get stuck in my belt.

Thursday, November 13, 2008


Me: "How was school today?"

Makell: "In P.E., someone asked if we could do a sex dance."

Me: "Uh....did he say it to the teacher?"

Makell: "No, he just said it to me."

Me: "What did you say back?"

Makell: "Come on man, are you stupid or what!"

I'm thinking she should focus her future career in politics.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Christmas Shopping Is Done

We are going for a group gift this year. It was only $5,000.
Small price to pay for the joy it will bring on Christmas morning.

At least it no longer looks like this:

I'm thinking that we'll all wear our Christmas jammies and stand around the garage while we hold hands. This just might be the best Christmas yet....

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Goals Are Good

I've been thinking about goals lately. See, I have these brothers that have recently run marathons. They both set a goal about a year ago, and so they ran. Stupid goal if you ask me. Anything that makes you sweaty is ridiculous and those running outfits just aren't pretty. No one, I repeat, no one looks good in spandex. Ever. Did you know you actually have to PAY to run in a marathon? What the? I definitely remember both of my brothers using the word 'death' to describe their marathon experience.....AND THEY PAID FOR IT!

So, their goal has got me thinking about my goals. A couple of years ago I set a goal to floss more than I had the year before--which was none. How could I do anything but improve? I flossed 10 times that year. I'm such an overachiever. Lately I've had a goal to not use as much hairspray. It's quite a stretch for me, but like I said....overachiever. I'm thinking about setting a goal of decreasing my Pepsi intake by a teaspoon or two. This one is a toughie, so I'll have to fast and pray about it before I commit.

The new year is just around the corner. I should set at least one goal for 2009. It definitely won't be a marathon--the only reason to run that far is to a shoe clearance at Dillards. But I do think I should reach beyond any of my previous goals. You know, really stretch myself. Maybe I'll try to floss 14 times. In a year. Always, always an overachiever.

Thursday, November 6, 2008


Growing up, we lived around the corner from a very colorful family. Every neighborhood has one of these families, but this one was REALLY colorful. Lots of kids, crazy stuff happening all the time....like putting on plays (including costumes and sets) that would last for 3 days. As a child, I was fascinated by the mother of this family. She had a fantastic laugh and she would wear a ginormous hat to church on Easter. Whenever they were getting ready to go on vacation, she would take all the clothes to the laundromat and wash them. She would then pack all the suitcases and lock them in the car--and there they would stay until the vacation. I'm not quite sure what everyone wore until that time came....I also remember that they painted the outside of their house a creamsicle orange--after the fire of course.

At one point, a few of the little girls in this family were playing with mustard seeds in their bedroom (don't even ask, I don't know where they got them). Some time after that the carpet got wet (maybe during the fire). Many, many, many months later when someone actually looked under the beds, there were mustard plants growing! Mustard. Plants. Growing. In. The. Carpet!!!!!! Again, I repeat, a colorful family.

Keeping this in mind, look what I found under Addie's bed:

It's a bag of noodles. My girls have a strange obsession with eating them raw. It appears that they snuck them upstairs. How long have they been there? Good heavens, who knows. But as I leaned over and stared at these noodles, I thought of the mustard plants. And in that instant, in the pit of my stomach, I knew...."holy crap, we're the colorful family!" The realization is sobering. Well, not really. I mean, it's obvious that we are that family, I just try to pretend otherwise. So, I've already ordered my hat for Easter, written the script and designed the costumes for our play and our house is going to look great in creamsicle orange. So Colorful.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Bad Teeth

  • Pain so severe that it hurts to talk (excellent side effect, I might add).
  • Throwing up from the narcotics.
  • Root canal.
  • Finding a dentist that tells you "if you chase the vicodin with a beer, its awesome." (I speedy quick made myself an appointment. This dentist must be a genius.)

Monday, November 3, 2008

Random Bits Of Amusement

Addie turned to me at the dinner table tonight and said, "Tomorrow is election day and we are going to vote for a new prophet." "Who do you think we should vote for?" I ask..."Well, I think we should vote for President Monson." Fine choice.
A few nights ago, Makell was playing a game on the computer. At one point, she poked her head out of the office and asked, "hey, am I a male or female?"
I think my armpits are growing. For real. I've been suspicious for a couple of months now, but I'm finally convinced. Growing. Not my boobs, just my pits. My shirts are tighter there. It bugs me. I'm thinking about a juice fast to slim them down. Cleanse the pours of my pits. Then they will be rejuvenated and my shirts won't bunch.
Makell's teacher told me that she has been trying to teach her a math concept since school started, but it hasn't clicked yet. The other day, Makell was so excited to show her this SAME math skill that another teacher had just taught her and she understood it. Her teacher said to her, "I've showed you how to do that for 2 months, how did you learn it so quickly from someone else?" Makell just looked at her and said, "well, at least you're still pretty."
I'm sure most of you have seen this, (I stole it off of http://seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com/). It has brought me scads of amusement for a week. I hope it offers you a giggle. If it doesn't, you're more uptight than me....which says a lot about you.

Sunday, November 2, 2008


Can you still carve your pumpkin in November? Yup.
Each person carved a different facial feature....I bet you can't tell.
Sam is taking the picture while Addie is giving a 'peace out'.
All my energy is spent trying to make this family appear normal--it just might be wasted effort. And yes, its 3:00 in the afternoon and Addie has on pajamas and I still have on my church clothes. Doesn't everyone pull the guts out of a pumpkin while wearing heels and a skirt?

Note again the pajamas...

I'm thinking she looks extra interested in wielding a knife....not a good sign.