Zoloft Makes The World Go Round

Everyone should be medicated. It's my mantra. And all those people who think--no, they KNOW--they don't need to be medicated....you need it the most. Zoloft is for everyone. An equal opportunity employer. I think they should put it in the water. Just think what could happen if we medicated the terrorists. We don't have to torture them, just Zoloft them.

Today, Todd came home to tell me a story that fortifies my mantra. Todd works with Mary. Mary has a parrot. The parrot is afraid of thunder. The sound makes him pull his feathers out. Poor thing only has a strip of feathers running down his back. Everywhere else he has plucked clean. So, what does Mary do for her anxious parrot? She medicates him. Oh yes, the parrot takes Zoloft. Did you hear that last part? THE PARROT TAKES ZOLOFT!! As I type this I realize that I need to suggest to Mary that she also get him some psychological counseling. It always helps to self-talk through these kinds of things.

We all have times when we feel like the paranoid parrot. You know you do. When I hear my kids yell, "Mommmmm!", I immediately start to pull my feathers out. I know someone (no names here, but we sleep together) who gets anywhere near a bee, and he screams so hard that his feathers just fall right out. Oh, and then there is this other person (we call her 'the favorite') who plucks feathers out at a feverish pace if she is forced to chew gum. See...we all need to be medicated. Maybe we can get a bundle deal with the parrot when he goes to counseling. I definitely think I'm on to something here....