Wednesday, June 11, 2014

My New Adoption Plan

I am a person who craves routine. Sturdy, steady and regular. I function best without change. I'm just wired that way. I wish (only sometimes) that I was adventurous. But just the thought of being spontaneous gives me hives.

The transition from school days to summer days feels like this crazy juggling act. Am I the only one? For months we have lived on a constant, busy schedule. And now? Good grief. Now, they have so much free time, it's just oozing out all over the place.

They entertain themselves by moving my furniture and doing gymnastics everywhere. They make messes and listen to music All. Day. Long! Have I ever mentioned my aversion to music? Hmm. It's quite strong.

And the TV remains on every waking moment (We've watched every episode of Say Yes To The Dress). If I were a better parent, I would limit their "screen time". But, seriously? Then I would just have to entertain them. Or take them to the store with me. For the love, that thought makes me nauseous.

For the last 3 mornings, I've woken up with a determination to get it together. But then I get up. And I look around. There are piles everywhere and my little people start talking non-stop. So, I lay back down on my bed and look at Pinterest. Which, can we discuss why soooo many people need to lift up their shirts and take pictures of their abs? It's almost as weird as all the pictures of pregnant women standing in wheat fields.

Today I've come up with a genius plan. It may be my best one yet. Ready?

I'm starting a Summer Adoption Program. Bah Bam! My kids are up for grabs.

Child #1 has a job and sleeps in her free time. So, you can't have her.
But, #2 and #3 are free for the taking. They can babysit. And my sister claims they can actually clean anyone's home but their own.

There is a certain choir teacher who adores my kids. Which is weird, because she has had Foster children in her class for years. You would think she would have switched jobs by now. Somehow she finds them amusing. So, I'm hoping she adopts them. If she doesn't, we can start a sign-up sheet. They're available 6 days a week. (I have to take them to church on Sundays so I still look like a good mother.) M'kay?

Should we start a bidding war?
What about bartering? You keep my kids all their waking moments and I decorate your house? That's just a reality show waiting to happen.

This just might turn out to be the best summer ever.

1 comment :

Heidi McQuay said...

I will take one! Send one over here!