I've been sitting on my porch for most of my life. At least, it feels that way. This porch and just one other. Watching my kids board the school bus. It's hard to remember my life before my porch sitting. What was all that time before I became a mother? A warm up? Maybe a test run? The farther away I am from those non-porch days, makes it feel like a different life all together. It probably was.
This morning I'm sitting. Again. Forever and ever. My mother eyes, need, no demand, the final glimpse of my child before she bounds up the steps. Somehow my heart thinks this last look will keep her safe until she returns.
I look around me at 7:26 am and see all that is familiar this time of year. I also realize that I'm sitting in my pajamas. Years, maybe eons? ago, I was up early. Showered and ready for the day. I hit the morning ready to roll with a load of laundry already done before we stepped to the porch for the bus waiting.
Now I sit in my pajamas and wonder where, oh where, I'll find enough energy for the day. I lounge on the couch while The Favorite Baby Child makes her own lunch and gets ready. We walk together to the door. We wait at the porch. The older two were up and out before the sun. They drive away in their own car that's filled with trash and smells disturbingly like men's cologne. They're too old for the bus. No more porch sitting with them.
So much of what we do is silent and unseen. It's a culmination of all the little things, like porch sitting. Like knowing this girl of mine will stop right at the very edge of the bus doors to turn back and wave at me. It's right there, that brief moment that seems so ordinary. But my eyes catch it and my soul breathes it in.
These are the days. The porch sitting ones. In all their no-frills glory. There is no thanks and rarely any acknowledgement. There are days, even years, that suck the life right from us. But this, this, is what we do. It is what we were made to create. A life. One filled with magical, daily moments.
My days are numbered. I realized that this morning. Only a few more years of waving as the bus speeds by. And I am caught in an understanding of what it means to be a parent. To mother with your whole entire being. It is never perfect. Most often it's messy. But, it's offered with your heart and soul. And that makes everything just right. In an ordinary, extraordinary kind of way.
Whether it be the porch or standing at the window, or even sitting exhausted on the couch, this is where you're supposed to be. In this moment, surrounded by a To Do list that is not manageable. You are living the good life. The one saved just for you.
Today, let's savor that knowledge. That we are here, in the space and family all our own. That porch sitting, laundry folding, dish washing is all done because of the people we love. Somehow that offers beauty into what we do. And gives light at just the perfect angle.
May we sit on the porch and breathe in our goodness.
Find joy today.