What Would A Good Mother Do?

I'm going to tell you a secret. Well, it's not so much a secret as a tiny peek into how my brain works. I can't give you a full-wide view, because then you would know for reals that I'm crazy. If I give you just a little glimpse, I can still keep the mystery alive.

Here's the question I ask myself All. The. Time.-- "What would a good mother do?"

Truly. I really do wonder about the decisions that good mothers make versus the ones I make. If I was a PhD student, I would write my thesis on this very thing. It fascinates me to no end.

Currently, right at this very moment, Child #2 is texting me DURING SCHOOL! about taking her to get fake nails today. This has been an on-going topic for months. Months! I've put my foot down, stomped it even, and said "No!". And now I've reached the point where I've used acrylic, painted, ridiculously expensive, stupid nails to bribe this girl into getting better grades.

Would a good mother use bribery as a means of motivation? Do good mothers ever get so desperate that bribery is their only option? Do good mothers just willy-nilly take lunch to their teenagers whenever they ask? Do good mothers send funny pick-up lines to their oldest child while she's in school? Good grief, I have no idea. But, by golly, this is what I think about all day long.

Logic would tell you that by Child #3 I would actually know what I'm doing. That I would somewhat have my act together. Good mothers have their act together. I'm sure of it.

The Favorite Child eats mac n' cheese for breakfast most days. I'm being for serious. She's a picky eater, that child. And she cooks it herself. And I also know she prefers the way-more-expensive-mac n' cheese that are shaped like characters. So of course, that's what I buy. Oh, and she pairs her fine dining with chocolate milk. Could I be any more spectacular?

Do good mothers sit on the couch looking at Pinterest while their 11 year old makes herself noodles for breakfast? Maybe? Probably not, but I like living in a dream world. A really complicated dream world that's decorated super cute.

Good mothers probably don't blog about their parenting inadequacies. Right?
I'm 0 for 3 this morning.