Friday, March 21, 2014

It's In Their DNA

I'm going to tell you a story. A special one. Ready?

Once upon a time, I was in 7th grade. All students at my junior high were required to take Shop. You know, the class where you make stuff with wood. And if you know me, like, at all, you'll giggle at the idea of me in a wood shop class. Who on earth would want to teach that class?! We were also required to take Swimming. But those are creepy stories for another day.

After the first several weeks in Shop class, I got bored. Because really, wood? Saws? Dusty surfaces? I remember being irritated that my shoes were getting dirty. Ahh, my priorities haven't changed. Not one wee bit.

In my boredom, I looked around the room. I noticed a circular sander. This huge machine that you could turn on to sand all your wood. The sanding section was probably the size of a dinner plate. And it spun fast. Very, very fast. So, of course, I had a genius idea.....wait for it....I'll use it to file my nails.

Rest for a moment and soak in my intelligence........

I stepped right up to that massive sanding machine and put my palms flat on the platform. Then I just slid them forward to let the nail filing begin!

Within milliseconds I lost the tips of my fingerprints.
Epic fail.

But I kept my shoes clean.
Like I said. Priorities.

Last night, Child #1 took time before dinner to make a statement:

"I've decided that my hair can be used as a weapon!"

She's met with silence. From all of us.
So she continues. (And demonstrates).

"If I ever need to hurt anyone, I can just flip my hair back super fast. It'll be razor sharp and cut their face."

Is there really any wonder that she came from me?
Maybe this kind of intelligence, or shall we say, "special skills", must be passed on genetically. Right?

Who else but me would give birth to a child that thinks they can use their hair to hurt other people?

And on the craziest side note ever, I've had the song "Edelweiss" stuck in my head for 4 days straight. I have no idea why. The last time I watched The Sound of Music was probably 12 years ago. It's going to drive me to madness.

Maybe I can ask someone to flip their hair in my face.

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