How I See

Ever since the day my dad arrived in heaven (give or take a month or two), people often ask me about about the hidden blessings I've discovered from this life changing event. They always insist that within the horror, there simply must be precious blessings to be found. My answer is always the same, "I have yet to find a single one."

I look at the surface with my mortal eyes. What I see is murky and clouded. There might be a blessing or two buried in the deep. But I can't see them. Maybe if I could look with His eyes, from His perspective, my vision would clear. I really can't seem to manage it. It's as if the effort of trying to see as He sees, is far too difficult to even attempt. Instead, I see with my eyes. The ones that seem to silently count the moments missed and the milestones left untouched.

I counted today. The moments missed.

My girls and the twins were dancing, running, twirling and singing all at once. All of them jumbled together with loud laughter in the air. My eyes seemed to capture time and hold it still. Without thinking, my brain said, "my dad would have loved this moment". He would have soaked it into his very soul.

I counted again as I watched my sister stand and teach a lesson. She taught as my dad would teach. So engaging and filled with His voice. My eyes could only see how proud he would have been to sit in that room and be in that moment. I tried so hard to use my non-earthly eyes. But, I just couldn't do it.

Out of the many lessons we are sent here to learn, looking at our lives through His eyes, is definitely a hard one to master. When life seems to be running on an even, steady course, it feels easier to see the blessings He offers us. But, when life demands you to actually live the faith you profess to own, using His eyes requires strength that feels beyond our own. I'm sure that's how it's supposed to be. Hard. Work.

For if we can find a way to leverage our faith along side our love for Him, maybe, just maybe, His eyes will offer us a glimpse of all that we long to see.

While I silently count the moments my eyes see, I shall never give up trying to use His.