I Spy. The Foster Edition.

I've come to realize that I have an aversion to most all stores this time of year. It's so crowded and crazy, I can't stand it. Thus, I've resorted to buying online. Much quieter shopping.

The FedEx man has been to my door quite often lately, and I have noticed 2 things:

One- it's really not nice to make anyone wear polyester shorts. It's really not. Why can't they wear something more comfy? Like yoga pants?

Two- I have the best marketing idea ever. Hire Channing Tatum or Ryan Lochte to deliver the packages. Women all over America would double their orders. I myself would order something every other day. Just seeing Channing Tatum in polyester shorts, standing at my door, would make me pay the $30 for overnight shipping. I'm telling you, it's a great idea.

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Walmart Fashion Tip #238: If you're a well-endowed woman, never, ever, and I mean ever, wear a shirt that has the words, 'Juice PLUS', written across your chest. I kid you not, you should think twice before wearing it in public.

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The Husband was propositioned by a "Lady of the Evening". True Story. He was in Vegas last week for work, and was asked if he wanted his frown turned upside down. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, The Husband started laughing hysterically. I'm pretty sure that's not the kind of response she usually gets. Maybe she even wrote it down in her journal as a first. Todd can now scratch this item off his bucket list.

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The Teenager woke up this morning at 8:00 am. The moment she appeared in my doorway and I glanced at the clock, I started screaming that it's the end of the world. Once I finished, she asked for money and the car. I hope the end comes quick, because I'm seriously running out of cash.