The Baby Is 10

When she was born, I knew she was the last. Knowing that made a difference. I held her more, smelled her newborn cheeks, kissed tiny toes. I was experienced enough to know those moments were fleeting. So I tried to hold on to them tighter.

Now she is 10. She's more independent at this age than the others were. Maybe that comes with being Child #3. 10 feels different than 9. I no longer have any children in a single digit age. That makes me feel like time is quicker than I thought it was.

But this day, I look at this girl, and I smile. She is all sorts of Foster Crazy. But, we all are. She is also sweet and giving and loves with a fierceness that captures you whole. I adore her.

Happy Birthday my Addie Bean.

I Have A Great Idea

At least a third of the stress in my life begins with a phone call from my sister. As soon as the words, "I have a great idea!" leave her mouth, I know it's all downhill. I think I should start screening my calls.

Great Idea #348: She buys gingerbread houses that need to be assembled at my house. I'm so not OK with this idea.

Part of the problem usually occurs when my Child #2 is involved. She looks sweet, but she has a habit of creating mayhem. Case in point, she took the lid off the sprinkles and handed The. Full. Bottle to the Angel Baby.

Let it be noted that as soon as the houses were made, my sister headed home and left me to clean up her Good Idea. My vacuum is going to barf up blue sprinkles for at least a year.

Giving My Thanks

Vacations are fickle things. They're unpredictable. You plan, you pack, you expect. The results are often a mix between the good and the bad. But then, there are those rare occasions, where a vacation brings life into silence, and something extraordinary settles in.

We had just that kind of Thanksgiving. The kind that created forever memories. The kind you want to hold and keep and never forget.

Cousins played in waves and water slides, stories were shared, games were played and laughter was a constant. Even the teenager was happy. For 3 solid days. That speaks volumes.

We toured through Christmas lights in Grapevine, Texas. The kids wore matching pajamas and danced to holiday music. I stood back and soaked it all into my skin. It was breathtaking to watch and it felt like magic. You can't buy those kinds of memories, they're just organic all on their own. And for that, I offer my greatest thanks.

I Spy. The Foster Edition.

I've come to realize that I have an aversion to most all stores this time of year. It's so crowded and crazy, I can't stand it. Thus, I've resorted to buying online. Much quieter shopping.

The FedEx man has been to my door quite often lately, and I have noticed 2 things:

One- it's really not nice to make anyone wear polyester shorts. It's really not. Why can't they wear something more comfy? Like yoga pants?

Two- I have the best marketing idea ever. Hire Channing Tatum or Ryan Lochte to deliver the packages. Women all over America would double their orders. I myself would order something every other day. Just seeing Channing Tatum in polyester shorts, standing at my door, would make me pay the $30 for overnight shipping. I'm telling you, it's a great idea.

***

Walmart Fashion Tip #238: If you're a well-endowed woman, never, ever, and I mean ever, wear a shirt that has the words, 'Juice PLUS', written across your chest. I kid you not, you should think twice before wearing it in public.

***

The Husband was propositioned by a "Lady of the Evening". True Story. He was in Vegas last week for work, and was asked if he wanted his frown turned upside down. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, The Husband started laughing hysterically. I'm pretty sure that's not the kind of response she usually gets. Maybe she even wrote it down in her journal as a first. Todd can now scratch this item off his bucket list.

***

The Teenager woke up this morning at 8:00 am. The moment she appeared in my doorway and I glanced at the clock, I started screaming that it's the end of the world. Once I finished, she asked for money and the car. I hope the end comes quick, because I'm seriously running out of cash.

A Picture That Speaks Words

This is what happens when the Foster's take family pictures. Straight craziness.
Who knew that you could use Sam's hair to make a mustache?

A Lesson From John Wayne

I grew up with a Dad who spoke of John Wayne as royalty. There was reverence in the air when the western star was the topic. Any John Wayne movie or Ben Hur rolled on a constant stream in our house. Throw in a serious amount of sports and some Rambo movies, and that was my childhood. Might explain why I'm slightly unhinged.

I tend to have a soft spot for John Wayne. Not because I like him, but solely because my Dad did. As a kid, I couldn't stand when westerns played on the TV. But now my ears tend to perk up when the movie star is mentioned. It's like I can't help it, it's just ingrained into my DNA.

So, imagine my surprise when I stumbled onto a John Wayne quote the other day that pretty much sums up my life. I may have even gasped. I believe my dad was probably looking over my shoulder when I read it and silently said, "I told you so."

You know how some lessons are so painful, you can't speak of them until the dust has settled? Mr. Wayne taught me that kind of lesson. They're the kind I really don't like.

Here goes:

Almost 2 months ago, before the Homecoming dance, we were on a hunt for a dress. A modest one. You can't imagine how difficult that is to find. It's ridiculous.

I found a website that offered lots of different dresses, all with great prices. We ordered 2 with the thought we would return whichever one Sam didn't like. I paid $30 for 5-day shipping.

5 days came and went. No dresses.
I log on to the website and notice that these dresses won't even arrive until AFTER the date of the Homecoming dance. I'm irritated and I cancel the dress order.

I spend 4 solid days in a mad dash to find a new dress. By the time Sam is ready for the dance, I want to scratch my eyes out and cry. But alas, she went and had "an OK time".

The FedEx man shows up at my door the next day with a box containing the 2 dresses I ordered online. I tell the man to keep the box because I canceled my order. He smiles and drives away taking the dresses with him.

Are you still with me? Nice story. This is where it gets interesting...

FedEx then starts calling The Husband explaining that the dress company won't take the order back. The Husband then proceeds to spend days, hours, excruciating minutes talking back and forth between our bank, FedEx and the stupid dress company.

Days pass. We still don't have anything to show for the $300 we spent on dresses.

We ponder.

We decide that we might as well keep the dresses if the company refuses to return them. Sam can eventually wear them. The Husband calls FedEx and tells them he will come pick up the package.

The. Very. Next. Day. The Husband drives all the way to Canada (almost, but not quite) to the FedEx office to pick up the $300 worth of dresses. Woman at the desk tells him he can't have the package. "Why?" he asks. She responds, "We destroyed the package yesterday at 4:30 pm."

Did you catch that? De-stroyed! Todd was speechless.

So, here's the lesson from John Wayne. Are you ready?
"Life's tough. Even tougher if you're stupid."

Well said.

The Hallo Of The Ween

When you think about it, Halloween is a funny holiday. You spend loads of money that you need to be using to buy groceries, to buy candy instead. Then you give it away only to send your kids out to bring back more, half of which you secretly throw away. When you step back and look at it, it doesn't really make much sense. Right?

At our house, Halloween happened to coincidence with 'Treat Your Mom Like Crap Day'. I wish someone would have given me a heads up on that one. Because let me tell you, that made for an extra special holiday.

Not one of my kids dressed up. It made me sad. I even threatened they couldn't go trick-or-treating if they didn't fake some kind of costume. They didn't even bat an eye, they just ignored me and headed out for candy. The oldest went to her friend's house because I think she is allergic to her family. Good times all around.

Thankfully, my sister was kind enough to birth twin goodness 4 years ago so that I could have little people to celebrate with.

Who knew that Asian Owls were the cutest things on the planet. And they let me hold their hand door-to-door and didn't roll their eyes at me once or look at me like I'm a moron. The perfect treat on Halloween. I think I'll ask them to wear their costumes again today.