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Friday, March 25, 2011

I'm Allergic

I'm allergic to two things: penicillin and dentists. I'm serious. You know that space on the medical history section of every form you fill out? The one where you list your allergies? Mine lists the word, 'dentist'.

(*attractive photo taken by myself while my temporary crown stopped oozing blood.)

Maybe I grind my teeth. Maybe. And supposedly that can do bad stuff to your teeth. Supposedly. And why does it always have to cost so much? Why?

Personally I think that if we have the technology available to make a tiny phone that attaches to your ear, then we for sure have the means of making dental chemicals taste better. I'm just sure of it. It totally warrants an eye roll when the dentist says, "but it's supposed to taste like strawberry." Oh, really? Well, strawberries just started tasting like vomit.

Why does that little drill have to sound like a chainsaw? If my dishwasher can be 'whisper quiet', then why can't the teeth sander? I guess that having a shot the size of Ohio in your gums isn't enough. The chainsaw is just added in for bonus effect.

I told my dentist before he started, "If you cause me any pain, you're watching my kids for a week." The thing is, he knows my kids, so he knows the implications of that statement. I think I saw a slight flash of fear in his eyes.

Today my jaw is so sore, I can't open my mouth all the way. I told Mr. Dentist that I'm in pain and that I'm packing my kid's bags tonight. How's that for an allergic reaction?


3 comments :

Quelly said...

Nice self portrait. It looks like you were out on an all night bender. Sure you were at the dentist, sure...

Nancy said...

I hope he druged you good. I don't do a cleaning without drugs. Booo! Feel better.

Diane said...

Just showed Nicole this picture and she said that you still look pretty!!