State Of Mind

Lately, I've been trying to change my state of mind. I'm tired. My mind, I mean. It's tired. I can't seem to move myself in a direction of wanting to do all that I am being asked to do. I think I would even settle for the smallest, tiniest sliver of wanting.

I find myself wishing I could take a step back and be a sideline observer for a while. I want a break from standing in the middle of the action. I want to sit. I don't want to do. But yet, I can not. Therefore, my state of mind remains unchanged. It sits and hopes for quieter, slower times.

This morning, I was thinking about my current, tired outlook. I thought to myself, "How can you tell the Lord you're tired?" Even still, Can you tell the Lord you're tired? That thought somehow led me to the times I ask my kids to do things they don't want to do. The things they're too tired to do. When they ask me "Why?", my answer to them is most often, "Because I asked you to."

Maybe I am no different than they. All this week I have been asking "Why?" This question has just simmered there, in the back of my mind. What if my answer is the same I always offer in response? "Because I asked you to." Reason enough.

I believe that I don't need to tell the Lord I'm tired. He already knows. But He also knows what needs to be done and is asking for my help. He needs each of us in ways that seem to stretch us beyond what we think possible. At home, and at church. No time for sideline observation.

I am still tired. I do still long for quiet, calm, easy. But my state of mind may slowly evolve as I listen to the voice that tells me "Because I asked you to." I may just be able to find my small sliver of wanting after all.