Bad Parenting 101

I could write volumes about being a bad parent. I actually think I'm quite good at it. For a while, I thought that the things that happened around here were a result of Todd and I's DNA mix--it just didn't mix right. But now, as I try to view things with an outside perspective, I have come to the conclusion that I'm just a bad parent. What else could be the answer?

So, I offer 2 tips today:

• Deceive your children. I don't necessarily find anything wrong in deception, but maybe I shouldn't find so much entertainment in it. I convinced my kids that it was my birthday (when it's not). It started innocently enough, and I just rolled with it. I had them REALLY convinced that my feelings would be hurt if I didn't wake up to find a present on the table. I actually overheard them in the car saying that, "we better wrap somethin'". They even told Nana it was my birthday, and she tried to tell them I was just joking. Again, bad parenting skills--I told them that Nana is a liar. Then, just when I had them, Todd showed them the calendar where my birthday is written down in May. What a wiener. I just wanted to see if I could wake up the next day and they would all be nice to me because it was my birthday. I thought about making myself a barbie doll cake. I made pumpkin bread instead and quietly wished myself a happy birthday.

• Let your children play in the unfinished house next door. I'm not quite sure what is so enticing about that house, but they love it. I think they sweep in there. I've seen them take brooms with them and I always hear them say, "we better wear our shoes." So responsible, those girls. A better parent would check the house out, and make sure it's not dangerous. Not me. They go running out the door and I think, "oh good glory, it's finally quiet."

So, the next time you feel your life is a little drab, just tell your kids that tomorrow is your birthday. Just make sure that Todd doesn't hear....

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