Which Eternity Is It?

In Primary yesterday, the question was asked, "What do you think it will be like when Jesus comes again?" All the typical responses were given. But from the back of the room I heard, "There won't be any school!" He, he, giggle, giggle, crack a grin......

Wait a sec. Hold up......calm, cleansing breaths. OK, let's be rational and think about this. For eternity--is there school or isn't there? My personal belief holds true that school is a gift sent to mothers. A gift from heaven. Ah...so....what's the deal going to be for eternity? School or no school? Are they going to be with me all day, everyday, FOREVER!? panic, panic, lamaze breathing. I demand an answer!! I'm stomping my foot right now! Seriously! Don't you think that mothers everywhere need to know? What if no one goes to school? What will we do? Is there homeschooling in the eternities and no one has told me?! Oh my mercy goodness, I'm feeling faint.

Someone has to know the answer to this question. Maybe there was some fine print that I forgot to read somewhere: "Eternity will feel like one looong Sabbath Day." Is that how it will work? I'll grit my teeth and hold my breath for 3 hours hoping they don't do something too embarrassing, and then we will come home and everyone will fight and destroy the house? Really? Please, someone tell me. Hurry...

I'm thinking we should all sign a petition. If that doesn't work, I'm stocking up on valium.

Feels Like Home

The unbelievable happened today. It SNOWED! In Texas!

A cold front moved in last night and this morning it actually felt like the winter we are used to. By afternoon the flakes appeared. We started screaming from the excitement. I sat in my car and looked around at the snow, and felt a piece of my Utah home.

Snow is a phenomenon here. The last time it snowed (for an hour) was 4 years ago. As we drove down the street, kids were waving their hands out the windows trying to touch it. As we pulled up to Sam's school, teachers had let their students outside to run in it. Pure magic.

If you squint your eyes, you can see our Texas snowflakes:
The best place to catch a snowflake:

Soaking in the magic moment:

Don't worry about us freezing in Texas. It will be back up to 70 degrees by the weekend!

Fear Of The Fairy

Everyone is afraid of something. You know you are. I'm afraid of tons of stuff. The thought of sitting on an airplane makes me stop breathing. The thought of all the pills in the world disappearing makes me cry big, salty tears. Fear is irrational, that's what makes it so crazy.

Addie Bean is afraid of the tooth fairy. She has told us the fairy is a boy that is lurking around here every night. We have exhausted ourselves trying to explain that the fairy only does a quick drop-by when you lose a tooth. It's wasted words. She is convinced he is trying to get her. The other night she told me, "I am so sick of seeing the shadow of that tooth fairy's head!" I stared at her with intense curiosity. She continued, "His head! His head! I can see it! Will you call him and tell him I'm sick of it!?" It turns out that the haunting shadow is cast by the armrest of the chair in the family room. With scientific logic, I explained this to her. Again, wasted words. Every time she walks by that chair now, I hear her say to herself, "there's his head.....". The girl is only 6. She has a serious amount of teeth yet to fall out. The boy fairy is going to be around for a while.

Any advice about fear is welcome. You must consider your audience before offering. This child lives in THIS household. That already sets her threshold for crazy pretty high. I mean, come on, she is afraid of a boy with wings that brings you money. Sounds pretty fantastic to me, but I guess fairies can be scary. Especially those whose heads cast a shadow.

Dad

Today is your birthday.

I've thought of you all day. It's been painful because I miss you. My mind still lives in a realm where I can't accept that you are not here. I exist on the belief that you have to be here somewhere. You just have to, because my own existence is defined by it. I close my eyes and I can see you. I hear your voice on the other end of the phone. I cry and then quietly beg and plead for you to come back. Please just come home and walk through the door. Please just call and reassure us that everything will eventually work out.

Everywhere I go, I am reminded of you. I can't escape it. I never expected that my memories would haunt me with the reality of what I have lost for the future. It's as if the deepest part of my soul has gone missing and can't be replaced. Why has that happened? How can it be fixed? I'm sure there is no answer to satisfy my questions. And even if there were, the pain would still remain. It's always present. The prickly edges of the pain have slightly worn down, but its core is fixated inside me. I don't expect it will ever leave.

On this day I want you to know of my love for you--my gratitude for being your daughter. We all now work to live the kind of lives that will take us to where you are. You set the standard and we are trying to reach it. Before you left, I told you to wait for me there. Someday I will feel your hugs again and hear your voice. Until then, I will wait. I will think of you and teach my girls all that you taught me. I will wait.....

Happy birthday dad. I love you.

Candy Land

Andi is a Hawaiian goddess who has adopted my girls. She offers endless hugs and brings them treats every Sunday. She has WAY more energy than humanly normal. We love her. She invited the girls over to decorate gingerbread houses. She told us that this year she only made 32 houses (for all those coming to decorate). When I told her that I couldn't believe that she baked, cut out and sugared together 32 houses, she responded, "Oh, it was no big deal. I used to make 175!" That's a serious amount of frosting. I immediately envisioned bathing in it.

Momentus

Something happened today that hasn't really happened to me before.....my hair moved. In the wind. (pause for gasp) I can't ever recall this happening before. It might have occurred once or twice when I was in 2nd grade, but definitely not any time after that. I'm opposed to hair movement and I'm pretty sure its against my religion. Everything in its place--including hair. I spray it in the morning and it should stay there. ALL day. Nary a hair out of place.

Lately, I have made a valiant effort to reduce my hairspray intake. I'm giving back to the environment. Me and Al Gore. So, because of my efforts, my hair is more free flowing. It's ridiculous and I can't stand it. It's too unpredictable. And, I know this is a shocking revelation....I don't do unpredictable. Ever.

When I was in high school, I had the best bangs ever. No kidding. I would rat them really high to form just the perfect nest. I would spray them solid and there they would stay. For a week. When the wind blew, the nest moved as one unit. I remember my mom telling me that one day I would wake up to find my massive bangs sitting beside me on the pillow. Like a rat. Ouch. I think that one scarred my self esteem a wee bit.

I have sometimes wondered what it's like for most people. Is there really anyone out there that doesn't have a testimony of hairspray? Oh snap. That would be sad. Honestly, I can't imagine that anyone like that even exists. Why live if you're just going to let your hair look ugly? Sheesh. That's dumb. Better take a hard look at your priorities.

After my experience today, I'm not sure if I will continue with my decreased hairspray usage. I'm going to pray about it and then I'll decide. I'll keep you posted...

Weebles Wobble

This is Sam and her backpack. Do you see how she is leaning? It's all the weight of the backpack. Mostly it's her laptop and the crazy heavy battery. She carries this all day long. Leaning like she does. I watched her the other day and realized that when she walks, it looks like she is giving her backpack a piggy back ride. So, I decided to weigh the big, black burden: 18.5 pds. Sam weighs 65 pds. Hmmm, that might explain the leaning.