The Day Of All Days

Let's start with some basic facts:

I don't drink.
I don't smoke.
I don't do drugs.

Are we clear?

Because there is a day.
Once a year.
Where I wish, truly wish, I didn't live by all those rules.

Family Picture Day.

That's the day I want to:

Drink.
And smoke.
And do drugs.

All at the same time.

For reals.