This ain't my first rodeo. I've done a summer or two, or a thousand. So I know what's coming. I know what to expect and I know what will drive me crazy. Teenager #1 has already demanded to know where I'm going, because she needs the car. As she starts to argue with me about the use of the car I pay for, I squint my eyes and give her the demon stare while I'm thinking, "Why on earth did I ever teach you to speak?"
I've decided to try and squash a few (or none ) of the problems before they even start, so I made a list of Summer Rules. They are currently posted in the kitchen, right on the fridge, where I know they will see them.
Just in case you can't read the tiny print, here you go:
1. No one is allowed out of their bed before 8:00 am.
2. If your name is Samantha, you may not sleep past 11:30 am.
3. If, and when, you are bored, it is not my problem. Do not complain to me or follow me around. Feel free to Google: Fun Things To Do That Won’t Bug My Mother.
4. There is a 2 hour limit for sitting on the couch and watching TV. If you exceed this limit, I will set your hair on fire to get you to move.
5. You may scream the word, “Mom!”, once per day. Any instance after that and you will be charged $1 and forced to memorize a scripture verse.
6. If you use the kitchen, for ANY reason, you are responsible to clean up your mess. Dishes must placed in the dishwasher, not in the sink. If needed, a demonstration on where and how to actually use the dishwasher, is available.
7. My Mothering Shift ends at 7:35 pm. Any complaints, questions or whining after that must be directed to the man you call ‘Dad’.
8. Any sibling squabbles must be settled amongst yourselves. If you fight or punch each other, do it quietly.
All rules subject to change, based upon my mood.
Feel free to test my patience on obedience to the Rules. Bring it. I’ve got all summer.