Wednesday, August 22, 2012

For You

5 years. In a marriage, that's a celebration year. But, what is it when you have missed someone that long? Lived without them present in your every day? I'm not quite sure what you do with that. 5 years feels like some kind of a hallmark. But my mind can't really decipher it.

Grief and Sadness are strange things. Time seems to be the only balm to coat it's edges. When you so desperately miss someone, Time feels slow and cruel. There is no walking around it, only through it.

I've come to understand a lot in the last 5 years. Well, as far as Grief goes. In the beginning, it's all consuming. Time seems to slowly gather it in and tuck it away, only to be unleashed in unannounced visits. The heart ache never disappears. I really don't think it's supposed to. Soul-born love doesn't work that way.

This is the saddest day of the year for me. Not his birthday. Not Father's Day. This day. This ordinary August day. The one 5 years ago that slowed my world and forced it onto a different path. One not of my choosing.

But in the Sad, even within it's darkest depths, there has always been a light. At times, it's been hard to see it. At others, it's so blinding it makes me smile. When you hold Love and Grief together, I guess that's what happens.

My dad would want me to smile today. To chase away the Sad. To look at his grandkids and let them they are cherished. To tell a joke. To Remember Who You Are. And to know, with unwavering faith, that he is here, no matter the distance.

So, for today. I will smile.

And I will remember.

For you.


Anonymous said...

my heart goes out to you today.

Quelly said...

Interesting - as I woke this morning, for some reason the call from my own father telling me your dad had passed came to mind. He said that Emily had called to let him know and that she sounded so sweet and so sad and I could hear the crack in his voice as he had just lost an old friend. I am also reminded of your dad’s talk at my mom’s funeral and how comforting it was.

I have the best memories of your dad. The one that leaves the biggest imprint was how he unconditionally loved me like I was one of his own.

I love your heart Queen…