Tap Out

The other day my sister and I were driving down the street. A truck passed by and I noticed a large decal on the back window that read, 'Tap Out'. I turned to my street-savvy sister for an explanation. "It's used in Ultimate Fighting. When you want to quit the match, you tap your opponent twice. Game over."

I've thought about the 'tap out' for days now. I wanna use it. Because, let's be real, parenting is way worse than Ultimate Fighting. Two guys, enclosed in a small space, beating on each other? Come on, that kind of crap happens around here by 9:00 am every darn morning. The fighting is actually the manageable part. What about the crying, tattle telling and nonstop irritation that a sibling is in your breathing space? This is summer, people. I got ultimate fighting happening 24/7.

Over the last 2 days, my kids have really revved up their efforts to suck the very life out of me. It's true. Even my sister confirmed that she can feel the life sucking as well. It must be the heat.

So, I need a 'tap out'. It's the perfect escape route. I even tried it out today. After hearing a rather nasal sounding, "it's not fair". I tapped this child twice. Nothing happened. I expected a game over. But instead, the game kept going. Maybe I need to tap harder and yell, "KNOCK. IT. OFF!" at the same time. Maybe that'll work. I'm gonna give it a try. Do you think they yell in Ultimate Fighting? Probably not, it's so disrespectful.