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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

A Mystery

For quite some time, I've been perplexed about something. It's a mystery that has simmered in my brain for at least a year or two. I just can't find an answer to my question, so I'm going to have to vocalize it: why are the people at Walmart so...Walmart? Seriously. I need to know because it's driving me crazy. Ca-Ra-Zee!

For starters, let me say that I shop at 'the Walmart'. I don't shop there because I want to. I shop there because of the prices. I have many friends who shop there also and they are (relatively) normal. With that said, let me just point out a few of the things I have noticed--

Number 1--Until I started shopping at Walmart, I had never, I repeat never, seen a grown man wear denim overalls without a shirt. And don't you even think this was a one time sighting. I had to stop my cart and shield my eyes. I'm not kidding!

Number 2--80% of the checkers are missing teeth. And not just one. Those who do have all of their dental work are sporting a few gold caps. Why is that? Is there a check box on the employment form that asks for a listing of the teeth that are still imbedded in your mouth? I'm thinkin' that if you check that box you are guaranteed a job. For reals.

Number 3--Where exactly do the people who shop there come from? Granted, I'm there. Yes, I know. And roughly 28 other people in the store look normal. And they've combed their hair. Everyone else in the store is probably looking at me thinking, 'why in the who-haw do your clothes match'?

It doesn't matter what Walmart you go to or in which state. The mystery still remains. I walk in, and the same people are there. Maybe they're following me. Even the checkers. Could be possible. But yet, I walk into Target and it feels like I've entered heaven. I feel at peace. And I look around, and everyone is wearing a shirt and has all of their teeth. Maybe that's the answer to my mystery. Shopping should only be done at Target. It's a possibility....

8 comments :

Straight Fancy said...

Embrace the toothlessness! They're humble folks! I bet you could find a few friends to bring to church! :)

Rani said...

You forgot all the shopping carts that are tied together with plastic produce baggies. I'm not a big fan of the Wal-mart either. Target, take me away.

Queen Of The Castle said...

To add to the mystery - why do they have like a zillion cash registers, but will only have two of them open. It must be hard finding toothless people capable of running the register.

quiet grace said...

My favorite Wal-mart experience was when the cashier scanned my milk, and then told me how the hormones in the milk are slowly poisening people, and that I'm just "drinkin hormones and cow poo" - best cashier ever!!

Tana said...

Even in Texas? I thought it was just up here. I am sickened by this. I always see people I went to High School with and didn't like. So I avoid Walmart like the plague. Because it is like a plague.

Kerri said...

Mmmm, yeah...I stick with normal grocery stories and Target. The cost of therapy I would need isn't worth shopping there. It's traumatic!

Suburban Hippie said...

1st of all - the Walmart in Tomball is an experience in and of itself - if you haven't been you really should.

secondly - it's obvious those people are too poor to buy a shirt - that's why they shop at Walmart

thridly - the employees are missing teeth because Walmart employee benefits STINK.

I never shop at Walmart - that company is evil in a can. I'm and HEB and target girl

wendy said...

u know how i feel...won't step foot in walmart. hate it even more now that there's an empty building on the corner of 114th & state...grrrr. miss & love y'all so much!!!