Saturday, October 18, 2008

Thou Shalt Not

My greatest fear when I was pregnant, was gestational diabetes. Serious fear.
I think I may have offered a prayer or two that I would not be striken with this condition. Why live if you can't eat treats? Why would you bother to open your eyes in the morning if you didn't know that sugar was involved in your day? I have a strong opinion that in the next life, when we are all judged according to our works, that the really naughty people have to live in a place where there are no treats...and they have to go camping for eternity. The thought makes me shiver. Dirt and no sugar. Oh, the horror.

I transition from one dessert obsession to another. I never know how long a particular treat phase will last. I think I made chocolate chips cookies every other day for at least a year and a half. By that last 6 months, I was the only one who ate them. They had become one of our regular food groups, so the rest of my family just ignored them. I have had a no bake cookie obsession and a peanut butter bars addiction as well. My lastest sugar love are microwaved peanut M&Ms. You fill a cup halfway full and microwave for 30 seconds. Warm on the inside, crunchy on the outside. Straight heaven.

Every time I look at my heaven in a jar, I have to stop and whisper to myself, "thou shalt not worship false gods." I really want to bow down in holiness before the M&Ms. They're sacred. They bring peace. But, I'm also a commandment keeper. So now when I walk by, I simply pause and put my hand over my heart and whisper, "sugar is eternal"....it's true. And if you are a really nice person and you do good works and you make sure your shoes appropriately match your outfits, then once you get to heaven you will get to live in a place where dessert is the main section of the food pyramid. But if you don't want to wait for heaven, just skitter over to my house any night of the week. We serve eternal happiness, warm and goey, at all hours of the day.


Suburban Hippie said...

I do love the sweet treats but I had to cut back on them because I was getting tubby and because I didn't want to get diabetes (I can assure you that life is still worth living.)

I eat sweets ad lib on Sundays though and I may have to try this heated m&m business. I was thinking chocolate lava cakes for dessert.

Anonymous said...

Oh I want your life. I need to spend a month on the Lisa diet!!!