Wild Witches

Today was my kind of holiday. More candy than you can carry.
Its the perfect plan on a legalized holiday.


Wild...yes. Cute...definitely.


Uh, is he smiling because its funny, or because he likes it?

I hope your Halloween was as wild as ours....

Why?

I think there is a disease that afflicts children all across America. It's called 'the broken arms' disease. It seeps into all areas of home life. It affects their ability to ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING around the house. Why EVER replace the toilet paper roll when you can just leave it on the floor? Why pick up your jacket/book/homework/webkinz/wrappers from off the floor instead of stepping on it? Why, why, why, why, why!? Scary disease. I'm on the hunt for a cure. So far I have tried the following--yelling, a presentation on how you actually replace the roll of toilet paper, withholding food, did I mention yelling? I'm starting to wonder if this disease is hereditary. Not inherited from me of course. That kind of stuff comes from Todd, along with their incessant need to talk loud.

A Wee Bit Of Politics

Since we cast our votes in a week, I thought I'd offer just a smidgen of my political nuggets. I have many opinions about government and its current state (its all crap), but I simply won't blabber on about it (do you like your crap leaning to the left or to the right?). I do think we need a good shake-up, a 'restructuring', maybe even a few lay-offs for poor performance. The more I watch on TV and read in my liberal Newsweek, I have come to one conclusion--the way to save our country is to elect and all-star relief society presidency. Brilliant, ain't it? If there is ANYTHING that EVER needs to get done, do you ask a man? No, you ask a woman. And if you're really smart, you ask a group of mormon women. Can't you just envision cabinet meetings? Everyone shows up with the required binder and things start with a prayer and a spiritual thought. I bet they could even work in a 'good news minute' about global issues.

I am quite enamored with Sarah Palin. There are things I don't like about her, but a lot that I love about her. I think the media focuses on all the wrong things. I mean, have you seen the woman's shoes!? If she is that savvy with her shoe selection, federal decisions are a cinch. In my opinion, if you possess the skills to pair the right outfit with the right swanky shoes, you've got my vote. There's no way a person like that could make a wrong decision. Won't happen. And don't even get me started on her great makeup job and fine skin....and she can man-handle two blackberrys at once, while hugging her baby, and hello! she. can. shot. from. a. helicopter. Dang impressive.

Take this week to consider all the choices (crap) placed before you. Scrutinize your options. Make sure that you are voting for those things you hold dear, a.k.a. expensive shoes and cabinet meetings that include homemade brownies. Don't listen to the media, they're full of crap too. Instead, listen to your heart and it will whisper to you....all-star relief society....charity never faileth.

I Live On A Loon Farm

I kid you not, this has been a stellar week. I am sitting here just reflecting on all the goodness that this family offers to the world. So much has happened this week, but I'm just going to give you the super awesome highlights.
Brace yourself:

• Addison got in trouble at school because she kicked a classmate....in her back. Sweet glory, how fantastic is that!? Her response to me, "I didn't even kick her that hard." Again, I repeat, fantastic.
• The assistant principal called me yesterday because she was holding Makell in her office. Every time I see the school on my caller ID, I hold my breath, and this is why--she wanted to let me know that Makell was trying to choke herself in the lunch room, her face turned bright red, and she told her friends to try it because it felt good. When she was confronted by the lunchroom manager, the assistant principal, and the nurse, she lied and said she didn't do anything. My pride floweth over.
• Two nights ago, we had a crazy rainstorm. Todd noticed that the rain gutter out front was plugged. Instead of taking 5 extra steps into the house to grab the step ladder, he reached for the white, wicker, decrepit chair that sit on the front porch. He placed the chair directly below the rain gutter and proceeded to STAND ON THE ARMS OF THE CHAIR. In the pouring rain. Chair tips, Todd falls....then rolls into the vacant lot beside our house. Face down. In the mud. Never saw that one comin'.
• I was talking with a friend about where we get our hair cut. I told her that, "I'm kinda' particular about my hair." She pauses and then says, "You seem like you're kinda' particular about most things....not that that's bad." Schazam! How super awesome is that!? I'm thinkin' she meant it as a compliment.

Isn't there a quote that states, "That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
I think I like my version better,
"If they don't kill me today, they will just try again tomorrow."

Be Free Coco

All my dreams have come true. She set the frog free!!!!!!!!!! Can you tell how sad she is by the look on her face and the snot she has wiped on her shirt:
She bought this pet years ago. She had wanted one for-ev-er and I finally gave in because I THOUGHT that frogs were a low maintenance pet--mistake! You have to feed the amphibian LIVE crickets (which you keep in a separate cage and feed them to keep them alive). Oh, and don't even get me started on all the times that the crickets have ESCAPED from their holding cell...the thought makes me curdle.

Now that we live in a humid, muggy, did I say humid?, place, we have been begging her to let the frog (name: Coco) live in the wild (a.k.a. backyard). There are frogs everywhere here, and more importantly--crickets. We have been trying to convince her for months that Coco has a longing to be one with nature.

We finally found a bargaining point--a cell phone. She is the only one in the universe that doesn't have one. Boo hoo, salty tears of sadness. Up until now, I have told her that she doesn't have a cell phone because: #1-you can't use it at school, so when exactly would you be able to call someone....."Um, I can call my friends (who live around the corner) on Saturday and ask them to come outside and ride bikes." Super convincing argument. Oh, and she did add, "a cell phone makes you look cool." "No, obeying your mother makes you look cool." #2-We can't afford it. But alas, when I finally added up all the $ I was spending to buy the darn crickets, I realized that the frog was more expensive than a phone. Drat. So, here is my proposition to her: set the frog free, maintain awesome grades for 3 months, and you can have a phone that you will hardly ever use. Just typing this makes it sound so logical....

Coco has been liberated into the wild. Once we were in the house, Addie got so hysterical that she couldn't control herself and blew her nose in her shirt. The fact that a tissue was 13 inches away from her didn't stop her from using her clothing. High glamour and etiquette.

If you see a frog in your backyard, keep that information on the down low. I told the girls that Coco lives right here with us and they can visit any time. I wonder what bargaining point I'm going to have to conjure up when it's time to buy her a phone....maybe I'll try a bunny this time. I've heard they don't eat crickets.

Joy Ride

Um, is this how you play tetherball? I'm not really a fan of athletics...it makes you sweat and it ruins your shoes....but, I'm pretty sure that this game doesn't involve launching your sister into the air. Serious bonus points for creativity. I wonder if the manual will tell me how much weight that ball can hold?

Thou Shalt Not

My greatest fear when I was pregnant, was gestational diabetes. Serious fear.
I think I may have offered a prayer or two that I would not be striken with this condition. Why live if you can't eat treats? Why would you bother to open your eyes in the morning if you didn't know that sugar was involved in your day? I have a strong opinion that in the next life, when we are all judged according to our works, that the really naughty people have to live in a place where there are no treats...and they have to go camping for eternity. The thought makes me shiver. Dirt and no sugar. Oh, the horror.

I transition from one dessert obsession to another. I never know how long a particular treat phase will last. I think I made chocolate chips cookies every other day for at least a year and a half. By that last 6 months, I was the only one who ate them. They had become one of our regular food groups, so the rest of my family just ignored them. I have had a no bake cookie obsession and a peanut butter bars addiction as well. My lastest sugar love are microwaved peanut M&Ms. You fill a cup halfway full and microwave for 30 seconds. Warm on the inside, crunchy on the outside. Straight heaven.

Every time I look at my heaven in a jar, I have to stop and whisper to myself, "thou shalt not worship false gods." I really want to bow down in holiness before the M&Ms. They're sacred. They bring peace. But, I'm also a commandment keeper. So now when I walk by, I simply pause and put my hand over my heart and whisper, "sugar is eternal"....it's true. And if you are a really nice person and you do good works and you make sure your shoes appropriately match your outfits, then once you get to heaven you will get to live in a place where dessert is the main section of the food pyramid. But if you don't want to wait for heaven, just skitter over to my house any night of the week. We serve eternal happiness, warm and goey, at all hours of the day.

Sick?

She is totally sick, can't you tell? Home with croup. Taking steroids.
Fever. Isn't it obvious?

Doesn't every 5 yr. old ask if she can vacuum when she is sick?

Or make a paper chain for the # of days until her birthday?


Or work at a feverish pace to pull out a loose tooth?

Oh ya, totally sick.

Hawaiin Happiness

My sister delivered her baby girls today. Last night she had an ultrasound that indicated that Baby B's heart was not functioning as it should (something with the blood flow). They were delivered this morning by cesarean. Each baby had a team of doctors waiting for her: a neonatologist, a pediatrician, a respitory doctor and 2 nurses. Start to finish, the baby girls were in the NICU within 16 minutes of start of delivery.


Baby A- 3.5 pds.
16 1/2 inches long

Baby B- 1.13 pds.
13 3/4 inches long

Happy BDay To Me, Uh, I Mean Sam

What a delicious birthday present that Todd and I bought for Sam. It was in no way influenced by my desire to go....I swear. A night out with me, Sam and her friend Xaja. Again, this was all for Sam. I was only thinking of her....

Twins Update

For those of you following my sister and her twins (and don't have access to her blog), I thought I would post a quick update...

Emily has been in the hospital (again) since Monday. Baby B is not growing. She is 1.12 oz. and Baby A is 3.3 oz. Through ultrasound, the doctor can see that the artery in Baby B's umbilical cord is damaged. This means that her placenta is not working properly. She is not receiving the right blood flow, nutrition, etc. They don't know how long the damage has been there or why it occurred. They just know that she is not doing well. Emily has been given steroids to strengthen the babies lungs and they are being monitored constantly. If Baby B becomes ANY more distressed, the babies will immediately be delivered by cesarean. Emily is currently 30 weeks and the goal is to get to 32 weeks (Oct. 20th). She will not be leaving the hospital until they are born.

To add to her stress, her husband Travis, works for Merrill Lynch (crazy stress), they are in the process of moving, and she has kidney stones.....man, does my life look like a cinch or what!?

Prayers, love, messages to the universe are welcome. I'll keep you posted.

Oh Fall, Where Art Thou

Fall only lasts for 1.5 days here. If you happen to be indoors for those moments, you miss it. I still keep wishing that the real Fall would come. I've stood outside in my sweater, but that's just crazy uncomfortable in 85 degree weather. I've tried cooking chili. Again, feels weird when you're still wearing capris and flip flops.

So, the only Fall goodness that is going to happen around here is in my house. And dang, if these decorations don't look swell.....just thought I'd share:




For those of you who can, I hope you enjoy Autumn....you know, where its actually cold enough to wear socks....

Just an FYI--Fancy Nancy wins the secret prize. The picture posted below is of Makell....so cute I could just eat her. Your mystery gift (rhymes with Baddie) will arrive C.O.D. within the week. I'd get some ear plugs if I were you.

Yummy

All of my girls looked identical when they were born. At each birth I would look at my baby and think, "oh, I've seen you before." With each birth, the eyelashes just got longer. By the time Addie was born, her eyelashes were so long they could probably make her float if she blinked fast enough.

I found this picture the other day. So yummy and chubby. I know which girl this is.....do you? First person to guess correctly wins a secret prize
(it rhymes with Baddie).

Lovebugs

This is a lovebug. Two nasty little critters stuck together. Incessantly annoying. I have discovered that there are two lovebug seasons during the year. They appear out of nowhere and they stick around for weeks. Dead lovebugs are sprinkled all over your car, your window ledge, the door step, I could go on and on, blah, blah, blah.

In our first lovebug season, I thought they were cute. "Oooohhhh, they're in love, they're stuck together." The kids and I would stare at them and wonder. One day I quietly commented to myself, "I wonder why they're stuck together..." Makell just looked at me and said, "Duuuhhh, they're married and they love each other." Enough said.

I don't think love means being stuck together, do you? Todd is a precious gem and all, but let's be honest, after about hour 3, a serious smackdown would be imminent. How long can you be glued together and still be cordial? Sometimes your spouse (not mine of course) can be so darn irritating while he sits on the couch and I'm all the way in the kitchen. Thats a pretty big distance. Hopefully one of the lovebugs is deaf. One does all the ranting and whining, and the other just sits in silence. Wait, maybe Todd's deaf....

Just the other day I was telling someone how crazy it is to pick up dead lovebugs off the family room floor. It just doesn't seem normal. She said, "well, at least they only live for 24 hours." What?! The flying love only lives for one day? That just might explain things. Love, in a suffocatingly close distance, can kill you. Epiphany.

Being Stupid Is Painful

For the last 24 hours, I have been stupid. I know, I know its an unusual occurance, but its true. On most days I'm highly intelligent and savvy. Not today. Boo hoo.

So, remember how I was going to drown out my guilt by painting my bathroom? Here is what has transpired since then:

• I decided to be uuber creative and I plastered my bathroom walls using a stencil design.
• Then I painted the entire bathroom in a color I thought was light gray/blue--which ended up looking white/baby blue.
• I then applied a dark antiquing glaze over all the walls. Instead of looking really cool, they looked like there had been a house fire and they had smoke damage.
• I washed off ALL of the glaze off the walls.
• I decided to try a lighter brown glaze. This time I only covered 2 walls. Hated it. By this time it was midnight and my arms hurt so bad I almost took them off.
• This morning I loathed this bathroom even more. I sent Todd to the store to buy a new color of paint. I then proceeded to SAND ALL THE PLASTER OFF THE WALLS. Oh, the insanity and the wretched mess! Here is a view from my ladder:

After cleaning up the stupid mess and wiping down the stupid walls and vacuuming up the stupid mounds of dust, I painted the walls a lovely golden yellow:

Now that its freshly painted and clean, I'm not letting anyone use it to pee. They just get to stand at the doorway and look at it.

Guilt

I hate guilt. I think its ridiculous. Yet, its always there. Lurking over everything. I'm beginning to think that the moment your first baby pops out, the guilt gene is activated. Motherhood=guilt. Why is that? Why do I lay in bed at night and think about all the things I didn't do right? I yelled too much, I lost my patience over something stupid, I should have slowed down enough to help one of my kids instead of being frustrated, we should be reading the scriptures instead of watching Survivor....the list is endless. I often carry one day's guilt over into the next. Then the guilt just starts piling up like laundry.

I've tried an assorted variety of things to stifle the guilt. I usually bake, somehow thinking that a chocolate cake can make up for all those things I really don't want to do, but should. Last night I made potato soup, homemade bread and a chocolate zuchinni cake. Took forever. But then I had to fight, kick, and scream with people to study for their spelling tests. Now I have guilt for putting all my efforts into the wrong priorities....I was the only one who ate the cake.

Do you think men lay in bed at night and think about all the crappy things they did that day? Do you think they wonder if they are a loser parent? Kindof a stupid question, isn't it? As a teenager, I can remember looking through my mom's wallet one day. I pulled out a small piece of paper that had a message typed on it, "Satan influences a woman by telling her she is not good enough or doing enough. Satan influences a man by telling him, you're doing just fine." Interesting.

My grandma told me that when she was a young mom, she would get up at 3:00 am to do the laundry. She wanted to make sure that she had her laundry hanging on the line outside before the lady next door. 3 o'clock in the morning! Just so she wouldn't have guilt that the mom next door had her's out by 4 o'clock....maybe guilt gets passed from generation to generation....

So, here I sit, reading other people's blogs while I should be cleaning toilets, writing kind words in my children's journals (don't have a clue where they are), and planning wholesome activities for my kids to do while they quietly watch Conference this weekend. I already know that none of these things will get done. I'm going to try and stifle the guilt in a different way today, I'm painting the bathroom. And I'm sure at some point, I'll be baking....