Thursday, September 4, 2008

Finding A Job-Part 2

So, I'm still thinking that maybe I should get a teensy tiny job. So many of you had comments when I previously posted about this. Scads of you (ok, maybe only 3) think that I should write a book. For real? I find this amusing. What exactly would be the title, "How NOT To Parent"?

Todd is fully on-board with this whole job thing. He decided to check out Craigslist for me. Did you know that you can find a lover on Craigslist? It's true. Yet, I do think it speaks volumes that you have to advertise to find someone to have relations with. I mean, come on, most normal people just go to church to hook up.

So, here is the best prospect that Todd found for me:

JEWISH EGG DONOR NEEDED BY JEWISH COUPLE $20,000+ ALL EXPENSES PAID "We would love you to be part of our miracle"

You are an ideal donor if you are:
- 100% Jewish - have a biological mother and father who are genetically Jewish-well, technically, aren't we all adopted into the House of Israel? I think that should count. That means I'm in.
- a woman between 18 and 33 yrs. old.-I look 32. I'm hot--you know, in a wholesome way.
- between 5' and 5'11"-I'm 5'5". Again, wholesome hot.
- warm, caring, responsible, reliable-uh, what do these characteristics have to do with my eggs? But, I do have way responsible eggs, truth be told.
- motivated and passionate about what you do-you really don't want me to answer this. Seriously.
- an individual with high self esteem-again, I repeat--wholesome hot.
- highly intelligent with high IQ, SAT scores & GPA-do highly intelligent people give away their eggs?
- attractive-I think anyone who can still wear their training bra (with the flower in the middle) is way, super pretty.
- at healthy body weight-the only reason I drink Slimfast is to keep my eggs healthy.
- a non smoker and drug free-um, I think you need to define the word, 'drug'.
-you will not be carrying a pregnancy. You will be providing an egg.-I'm confused. Haven't we been discussing eggs this whole time? Maybe I need to take a look at your SAT scores as well....

Thanks be to heaven to Todd for doing all this research for me. I really think this sounds promising. Although, I'm going to have to make sure they don't ever meet my kids. Deal breaker for sure. If you have any good kosher recipes, send them my way....gotta get my eggs ready.


Becky Leland said...

Lisa, Please.....write a column somewhere. Let the public give you a topic - and you go to it! You have such a way with words - WRITE A COLUMN. You will get soooo much support!

I LOVE your blog!

Love y'all

Bethie said...

forget Kosher. We need to get you on 24 hour reruns of Fiddler on the Roof. Ready go: If I were a rich man...

Tana said...

I couldn't give up BLT's long enough to keep that job. Even if it was for eggs. Try a column on movies. Just write a couple of reviews and send them in. Maybe you'll be discovered.

Joan said...

Generations of women who raised chickens, made extra money by selling eggs. They called it "egg money". Your great grandmothers will be in awe! $20,000 for just 1little egg.

Stacie Cooper said...

my mom is write you should right a column, but I did come up with a name for your book, or it's really what I think of when I read your blog, "Daily confessions of an honest mother"
Anyways, you do have a way with words and I love you for the fact that you tell it like it is!

Kristin said...

$20K for an egg is tempting. I still agree w/everyone else and think you should write. Reading what you write is so refreshing and entertaining! For example, so few people (me included) who can still wear their training bra are willing to write or talk about it. You have a gift (your writing, not your training bra). I'm sure in the end, you could make far more than $20K for your writing. Good luck!

Amanda Holbrook said...

This is so funny! You are the perfect candidate. You are done, you found the job you were looking for. Piece of cake (that's made with eggs too)

embeesea said...

I am so in on the column or book idea. I swear I tell my other friends about you and I tell them you are this generation's Erma Bombeck. You have a gift, girl!