All You Never Wanted To Know

OK. Today I'm irritated with myself that I even started this little challenge. I have no idea why I thought anyone would want to hear from me every day this week. I don't even want to hear myself.

I have received lots of great suggestions on how to deal with my bandaged head. Apparently I should let people sign it. Like a cast. But the thought of anything even lightly touching that area of my head causes big Texas tears to form in the corners of my eyes. So that option is a no-go. My favorite suggestion came from the nurse at the doctor's office: a bar fight. I think that's the one I'm going with.

And because I'm divulging today, I'm giving you some of the things that make me super weird. This is the stuff I really don't talk about. So why not share it on the Internet? I must be taking too much Vicodin to be thinking clearly.

1. This one is a doozy. Get ready....I have a grocery store voice that lives inside my head. For reals. It helps me decide which cereal box to pick or which can of beans I should put in my cart. The grocery store voice rarely likes to take the item at the front of the stack. It likes to pick the 2nd box of stuffing in the row. Never the first. The voice believes that the oldest items are put up front, so you should always pick back in the middle for freshness.

2. I wish on every shooting star I can find for Vin Diesel to come eat lunch with me. I heart him a whole bunch. I just want him to knock on my door and come sit at my kitchen table. Without his shirt on.

3. I can't send grammatical errors in my texts. At least, I try hard not to. I just can't do it. I was an English/Humanities major in college. No LOL's for me. I even proofread my texts before sending them off. True story.

4. I have an unusual obsession with acorns and book pages.

Not just any acorns. They have to hold a meaningful story. That's just the way I work, I guess. I've gathered some outside the elementary school all my kids have attended. I picked some up in Grapevine, Texas when we were on vacation. And Child #1 even brought me home one from school.

As far as the book pages go, I chop up a lot. I don't really know why I like them so much. But I'm constantly cutting them up, ripping them out, making leaves, flowers, pumpkins. My oldest has a friend who decided to start reading all the items I've created, and found a really bad word. Guess I should be more selective in my pages. But I probably won't.

5. Guilt is my constant emotion. Which is probably very normal for a mother.

6. My mom made me a Barbie cake when I was 4. Maybe 5? I've wanted another one ever since. It has something to do with her skirt being made entirely of cake. And then covered in frosting. I just want to eat her. Not in dainty slices. Just me, a fork, and the Barbie skirt. I get goose bumps just thinking about it.