Do you ever feel like you're doing it wrong? This parenting gig? That maybe you're simply screwing it all up? Truthfully, I always assume that I am. I've got real low expectations when it comes to my parenting skills. But there are times, like this week, where I get serious with my big, bad self. Serious matters take serious attention.
I usually over-analyze myself one kid at a time. I like to take my guilt in smaller portions. But this week my brain has decided to tackle 2 at once. The timing of things has just made it so, I guess. That's a real kicker to your parenting self-esteem. When your heart tells you that you're trying to do the right thing, but you mind convinces you that you're just messing it all up. Quite a conundrum.
I'm trying to make my head self-talk. To take my own advice. Because here's what I tell my teenagers, lean in and listen close-- I expect you to be living a life where you can HEAR the truth your heart speaks to you. One where you are living as you know you should. Because I can't always be there to make sure you choose the right. Most of the time, you're on your own. And if you're living right, and being true to who you are, you'll hear MY voice and more importantly, HIS voice inside your head letting you know which way to go. And at all costs, You. Must. Listen.
I guess the same is true when you're an adult. Why wouldn't it be? Simple truth tends to be universal. So, I'm trying to Listen. To remember who I am as my grown-up self. The one that is a parent who hopes she's not screwing it all up. Because parenting is a fickle thing. Just when you think you've found your rhythm, it changes shape. And so must you.
But here's what I always forget: Love. I skip it every time. I'm not really sure why. It's just something I do. Maybe we all do it. And maybe that needs to change. Maybe Love is the only right way to Hear. And to Listen. It coats every decision I make. And maybe that's the whole reason everything will turn out right. Even when it feels like I'm doing it all wrong.
Love just might be the answer to it all. Not the solution, because that's never easy, nor is the work in between. But, it can be the answer. The one that quiets the guilt and leads the way. The one that gets us to the end. May we ever follow.