Which Voice?

Lately, I've been thinking about listening. Not the obvious, physical kind of listening, but more of the voice that speaks inside ourselves. Do I listen to the voice that speaks the loudest? Or, do I concentrate on the singular one that is quiet and blends into the background?

You see, the voice changes. Sometimes it's kind, sometimes judgemental, sometimes it praises and most of the time it carries guilt. The voice is always loudest when guilt is involved. And not the big kind of guilt, it's the small, almost invisible kind. That's the one I tend to listen to the most. I know I shouldn't, but it just draws me in.

I tend to listen at the end of the day or when I'm driving in my car. I review all the mom things I've done that I wish I could reverse or words I wish I hadn't said. And then there are the things that I know I should be doing, but have yet to get to. The voice brings those to memory so quickly.

As I sat in church today, I heard a different voice. The one that is soft and blends into the background if you don't concentrate to listen. It's not loud or flamboyant, and it never carries guilt. Maybe a gentle nudge, but never guilt. I also realized that this voice can also be felt. It brushes my heart with kindness.

That is the voice I want to listen to. It's the one I want to always hear. But, when I step away from church and quiet reflection, it's hard to find. My normal, busy life seems to muffle it's sound. I tend to lose my grip on the effort required to hold onto it. Maybe the whole point is the difficulty involved. The greater the work, the deeper the blessing.

I think we should all listen together. What if that makes it easier to hear? What if we collectively decide to ignore the voice that tends to make us feel like 'not enough'? And instead, we agree to listen to the whispered words that build, restore and strengthen.

Are we perfect? Not at all. Do we make the right mom choices or always keep our patience? Definitely a no. But, our imperfections do not define the voice we listen to. They are simply steps in our our redefining. They are turns we take on a path to growth.

Let's listen. And, let's hear. The words aren't complicated or hidden. They are quietly spoken over and over again. We just have to be willing to reach out and grab them. If we all hold on together, we just may be able to increase the volume so that it's the only voice we ever hear.