Because I Said I Would

It's been one of those mind-numbing, never-slow-down weeks thus far. I still have 2 more over scheduled days to go. Peaceful solitude looks like an illusion from where I sit. These kinds of weeks just happen to all of us. More often than we would like. Over the last few days, I have felt as if I'm quickly spinning from one thing to the next, without really accomplishing anything. Again, it's mind-numbing. Soul depleting.

After working late last night to finish preparing patriotic vests for Addie's class program, I was at the school by 8:30 am to volunteer in 5th grade for Makell. I didn't leave until 1:00 pm (with more volunteer items loaded in my arms). From there I drove to a visiting teaching appointment. While in my car, I was tired and I wondered to myself, "Why do I do this?" The answer came to me quickly...."Because you said you would."

My thoughts then turned to something I have had on my mind--how I'm treated as a mother. I seem to do, and go, and love, and care for this family, and there are moments when it all feels like wasted effort. Makell slapped me this week. On my face. She had been in a really grouchy mood, and I was tickling her to try and snap her out of it. She got frustrated and slapped me. I was so stunned that I sat still and couldn't say anything. I'm still stunned actually.

That moment has stayed with me and made me examine what I do and how it is received. So, this week I have wondered, "Why do I do this?" My answer...."Because I promised I would." When I looked into each newborn's eyes, I promised. If I had known then what I know now, I still would have promised. To love, to care, to be treated with disrespect, to feel that all I do is invisible to those around me, to do homework with a child who is yelling at me, to read a book with a daughter when all I want is to sit in a quiet spot. Yes, I would still promise. Because of my infinite love for this family of mine. I promise, promise, promise.

So on those days, those moments, or those weeks where I wonder, "Why do I do this?", I hope I can always remember that "I said I would". May those words carry me through all that seems to make me stumble.