Thursday, October 29, 2009

Because I Said I Would

It's been one of those mind-numbing, never-slow-down weeks thus far. I still have 2 more over scheduled days to go. Peaceful solitude looks like an illusion from where I sit. These kinds of weeks just happen to all of us. More often than we would like. Over the last few days, I have felt as if I'm quickly spinning from one thing to the next, without really accomplishing anything. Again, it's mind-numbing. Soul depleting.

After working late last night to finish preparing patriotic vests for Addie's class program, I was at the school by 8:30 am to volunteer in 5th grade for Makell. I didn't leave until 1:00 pm (with more volunteer items loaded in my arms). From there I drove to a visiting teaching appointment. While in my car, I was tired and I wondered to myself, "Why do I do this?" The answer came to me quickly...."Because you said you would."

My thoughts then turned to something I have had on my mind--how I'm treated as a mother. I seem to do, and go, and love, and care for this family, and there are moments when it all feels like wasted effort. Makell slapped me this week. On my face. She had been in a really grouchy mood, and I was tickling her to try and snap her out of it. She got frustrated and slapped me. I was so stunned that I sat still and couldn't say anything. I'm still stunned actually.

That moment has stayed with me and made me examine what I do and how it is received. So, this week I have wondered, "Why do I do this?" My answer...."Because I promised I would." When I looked into each newborn's eyes, I promised. If I had known then what I know now, I still would have promised. To love, to care, to be treated with disrespect, to feel that all I do is invisible to those around me, to do homework with a child who is yelling at me, to read a book with a daughter when all I want is to sit in a quiet spot. Yes, I would still promise. Because of my infinite love for this family of mine. I promise, promise, promise.

So on those days, those moments, or those weeks where I wonder, "Why do I do this?", I hope I can always remember that "I said I would". May those words carry me through all that seems to make me stumble.


Queen Of The Castle said...

I have a hard time keeping up with my 3 kids. Adding 3 more into the mix - im sure im going to have to remind myslef often that "i said i would". We passed court on Tuesday so I am officially the mother of 6 kids. Help me!!

Cory & Megan said...

i just have to say, that that brought tears to my eyes. with only one opinionated one-year old, i have found myself wondering what it is that can make this all worth it. that's the perfect answer. thank you for this.

Rani said...

Ohhhhhh, how I needed to hear that today. Is it a full moon or something??? Craziness abounds these past few days. How thin can we stretch??? ( I would like to BE thinner...just not stretched thinner). As always, thanks for the inspirational insight and the reminder...because I too promised I would.

Stacie Cooper said...

Very well said! I feel the same way sometimes as I'm sure we all do. thanks for the insight

Anonymous said...

Wow- you are amazing my dear! I love you, and yes, I have been slapped before too :). May we all remember those beautiful words you so eloquently put!

Becky Leland said...

I love "Because I said I would" - THANK YOU. I hope you are working on your book!

having your Mom here was GREAT!!!!!