On/Off Switch

Stress is a funny thing. It has a life of it's own. At least mine does. It seems that when it starts, it tends to grow. Why is that? My brain appears to have reached it's maximum capacity of 'to-do' items. I need to fit more in, but I can't seem to find the space.

Why are there some people who rarely feel stress? Is it because they are swift negotiators of their time? Are they good at simplifying? Or, do they just. not. feel. it. Todd is one of those people. In all the years I've known him, I think I've seen him really stressed 4 times. And I'm pretty sure that 3 of those times involved not being able to find his chapstick.

Maybe some people have an internal on/off switch for stress. Kindof like the child lock on the inside of my van door. I need one of those. That way I could give my stress a marginal amount of time during the day to fester in my head. Then I could turn it off at night and only think about the ways I'm failing as a parent.

Yesterday, I felt a cold sore starting. That's my signal. That's when I know that I've reached beyond my limit of what I can get done. So today, I'm trying to find that switch. I've taken deep, cleansing breaths and then I went to lunch with my friends. Next up--cupcakes. My stress may not disappear, but at least it will be covered in frosting.

Some Things Never Change

This is Kellie, 4 years ago.

The hair is a little shorter, the face a little chubbier. But, it's obvious. Still the same Kellie.
Last week was a stressful one for this girl. Actually, I don't know who felt strained more, she or I. It was state testing week. In Texas, that's a big deal. Some years matter a whole lot more than others. For Kellie, this was one of those years.

For a learning disabled child, regular schoolwork can be a chore. Trying to blend in with all the students is an even bigger task. Add in mandated testing that determines a lot of your future, and the anxiety mounts. Thus, a stressful week.

Makell is my child that was given to me to brighten my life. In so many ways. More often than most, she shows me another way to look at the world. One I never would have imagined. She is the one I speak the loudest for, the one that I advocate for the hardest, and the one I encourage the most to believe in herself even when all odds are against her.

Through the stress, the homework, and even the yelling, some things never change. She remains Kellie. The girl who simply sparkles. Her light even reaches out and sprinkles on those around her. A majority of the time, she requires a lot of parental maintenance. Sometimes that maintenance feels far too heavy to carry. But then, when I find a moment to take a step back and notice all that she teaches me, I am humbled. Because, at her very core, she is joy. A kind, enlightened joy. And in our home, that is something that can't be measured by a test score. And in life, it is something that will carry her higher on her journey than any obstacle she may face.

Never change, my Kellie. Forever sparkle.

45/15

It's a Birthsary. Todd's Birthday (45- ouch) and our Anniversary (15). These are both odd numbers, and you know how I feel about them. I offered Todd condolences this morning because he is odd. He replied, "I should be, it's more than half my name". The glass is always half full with that man. Irritating, but true.For his birthday, I thought I'd offer 15 (for the anniversary) random things you may or may not know about Todd:

1. He hates attention. Despises it. That's why I do my best to embarrass him here on my blog. I think it's good for him.

2. He worked very hard to find the ugliest picture of himself for his Facebook profile. He looks constipated. Mission accomplished.

3. When I first met Todd, he told me that he always kept a glass of water on his nightstand during the night. When I questioned him about it, he told me that his eyes would dry out in the middle of the night, so he needed to refresh them with water. True story. I kid you not.

4. Todd hates to wear a tie. He accepted his current job without knowing he had to wear one. He almost quit on his first day. Now he simply carries his tie. If he is in a meeting with important people, he puts it on.

5. He loves chapstick and dreams about A&W rootbeer.

6. I've never really seen him super angry. He just doesn't get riled up about much. One time, when the girls were younger, I saw him get really frustrated. So, he clapped at them. Oh yes, you heard right. Clapped.

7. He can't lie. If he tries, he giggles.

8. He had 2 tickets BEFORE he ever got his driver's license (at the age of 14). I think they were for riding his motorcycle, which didn't have brakes, so he stopped it with his feet.

9. He longs to go back to Brazil.

10. His dream vacation would be to Bora Bora to stay in a hut on the beach.

11. He hates to wear shoes. When he was little, he walked around the farm (manure) barefoot. His mom gave him worm medicine every 6 months.

12. He's patient. Exhibit A-he lives with me. Exhibit B-he got up at night with our newborns more often than I did.

13. He's had a perm. The pictures are exquisite.

14. His best friend told me before we got married that I would never have a dull moment with Todd around. There could not be more truer words.

15. Todd prayed for me before we had even met. He prayed me into his life and I am forever blessed for it.

Happy Birthsary to the man I adore.
Love you lots so many.

Divine Intervention

I just so happened to drop by Target today. Guess what was on clearance? 14 cents. I almost wept right there in the isle. I gingerly placed handfuls in my cart. I couldn't help myself.

When I brought them home, I laid them all out on the counter. I leaned down close to them and whispered, "I promise to eat half of you today and the rest of you tomorrow."

If you must know, I bought 25. I'm debating about going back for more. For food storage, of course. It's good to be prepared.

I think I might serve them along with dinner. You know, in place of a roll. Or a vegetable. Or as the main course. Yum.

She Bypassed The Gene Pool

This girl comes from a father who didn't know what a verb was until the age of 19, and a mother who thinks that eating dessert should be added to the 10 Commandments. Thus, it's stunning to know that she is now a part of the National Junior Honor Society.Maybe she's adopted and I just forgot. That's the only explanation.

Bribery Or Reward

I'm one of those parents that doesn't give much heed to parenting books. Probably because I've failed at all the criteria they cite. I've come to a place where I'm simply OK with my success rate. I get an A for effort, but I no longer judge the final outcome.

Today, I took Addie to get her nails done. Her wee bitty nails that she nibbles on every day, are now blue. With flowers.A few weeks ago I made a behavior chart. She knew that once 10 boxes had a check mark, the nail salon was our next stop. Bribery? Mmm, maybe. Reward? Probably. Either way, she now has nails the color of blue bubble gum.

Somewhere along the parenting journey, we each find our stride. Our rhythm. Are there flaws in the system we use? Absolutely. But, we're trying. We're tweaking. Someone peering in on how our system functions, might have serious reason to judge. It's so easy to point out where other parents could improve. But when you're knee deep inside your own parenting issues, it's a whole different story. Sometimes we actually think we've got it together. But most times, we're simply trying to keep from drowning.

Will the behavior chart continue to work? I have no idea. Have I noticed a monumental difference in behavior since the day it was posted? Not really. But this I do know--for a small, brief moment today, I watched a child enjoy a moment that she KNEW was her own. With each brush stroke, my 7 yr. old felt confidence in herself. She alone had accomplished 10 separate GOOD moments. No matter how brief. And as a result, she got to pick the color of her nails. In my book, bribery and reward aren't even in the picture. All that's there is love. The love of a parent who keeps trying. And the love of a child that is ever unconditional. That love, is a gift. One that is simply disguised under blue nail polish.

A Day With Ducks

Good Friday.
Perfect Weather.
Picnic at the park.

Sweet Goodness.