Currently And A Few Clicks Over

Y'all. My baby is going on a mission.

Santa Rosa, California. Spanish speaking.
She will be serving for our church. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints. 18 months. No family, no texting, no regular world life. Just teaching people about Jesus. In Spanish.

I'm a mix of emotions. Proud, awe, anxiety, love. All bundled into one.
But I had the most amazing peace settle over me as she read the words of her mission call. She is in the right time and the right place. It's amazing to watch.  She's such a beautiful example. I can't get over it.

***

I stumbled upon this the other day.
Click over here and check them out. Please. You won't be disappointed.

Naturally I offered to buy them for my college girl. Can't you just see her walking across campus in these? I've really thought about them all week. How does one accessorize such shoes?

Could we all buy them together? Wear them on Thursdays?

***

I just finished reading this book.
Another click, go over and take a look.

It's super lovely and a gentle reminder to slow down and let your soul breathe.
I highly recommend it. She's such a beautiful Christian writer.

The next book on my list is this. Have you read it?
Shall we read it together while wearing our gnome shoes?

***

Enjoy your Sunday.
Find time to do something that brings you joy.

For When Life Gets Real

So. There was a birthday. She's now 19.

And we went out to eat as a family. We sat down on a bench to take a picture and my thoughts whispered, "This is the last time for a while we can all sit together." And my soul got tight and my eyes got blurry.

And then we were off. Headed to Idaho. All the way from Texas. A 25 hour drive. Good times. No really, sometimes when you're stuck together, cramped in a small space, it can be great. Exhausting, but great.

We unloaded, unpacked, sorted and put away in her new dorm room. BYU Idaho is now her home.

We hiked through campus and bought her enough groceries to last 3 months. We ate dinner together, just one last time. I could barely swallow.

I've done hard things in my life. I held my dad's hand as he died. And saying goodbye to my daughter, my heart, was one of the hardest. Driving away and leaving her behind made me unravel. I gave myself a good 3 hours to lose it. And then I sucked in a breath and got it together.

Another 25 hour drive and we're back home again. But it's different now. There's a different feel to the house, a flow that's slightly off-kilter. We are now a home of 4. That's something to adjust to. At some point I'll walk in her room. Just not in the near future.

She's in a great place at a terrific time in her life. I'm excited for all she will see and do and how she will come into her own. My sister gave me the greatest advice that I have tethered myself to, "She is made for greater things. Now let her go do them." And so I will.

Beauty On A Sunday

These 3.
They are my very heartbeat.

Oh, How I Need Her

My voice feels silent lately. And my heart. Because my head can't find a way to accept that I have a daughter leaving for college. Everything about that statement makes me sad. And I can't find a way to kick myself out of it.

The first day of school has come and gone. That's usually a milestone day for me. Not this year. Because only 2 walked out and back in those doors. It's always been 3. Always. I don't know how to handle it. My mother heart can't work it's way around this change.

I know it's time. For her to move on. But I can't seem to find a way to relax my grip on her. I want her here every day. For the rest of forever. I want to protect her, feed her and take care of her in all the ways it's always been. But that is not the plan.

The plan is to move forward in the journey. And I find myself at an impasse to let her move into her own space. I know it's the right thing to do, but I can't find the will to let it happen. I want to grab on to her with both hands and hold her so tight, she soaks into my skin. But then I remember she's already there. She always has been and always will be.

So I'm preparing my heart in all the ways I know how. To let her walk into her own journey. The one where she mans the boat all on her own. But boy, does my heart hurt just with the idea of it all. I knew this time would come, but I never expected it to be excruciating. How is a mother supposed to let part of her heart live so far away from home? It can be done, I guess. It's just the doing part that tests my limits of bravery.

May we see these children of ours. With eyes that know only their beauty. Because they are a gift. Even on those bad days. Especially on the rough ones. This is what I was made for. Right here, right now. To have these 3 daughters stitched into the very fabric of my soul. To let them light my way in all their extraordinary ways.

We mother on. No matter where they live or how long the distance. They hold our heart right where they are. Forever. That's the truth I'm grasping on to. The hope that let's the future play out as it may. Hold tight to those you love. And they'll hold you right back. Their love will keep you standing.