Flaws And All

Before the Todd and I got married, my parents tried to warn him what life with me would be like. They were subtle about it. They would say, "Listen, you're a really nice guy, you don't have to do this. You really, really don't." I think my dad even held Todd's shoulders and looked him straight in the eye while explaining, "You can back out at any time, we'll understand."

Now, all these years later, Todd says that if only they had described how loud I am, and that children would make my voice even louder, he would have run for the hills. But now, well, he's stuck. Grin and bear it. Like Moses.

Just like my parents all those years ago, he has now turned to subtle explanations of his own. Last night he and my sister told me, "You're so condescending, it should be your first name." Todd even decided that my new nickname should be Condelisa. It has a certain ring to it, don't you think?

So, in light of my over-dramatized character trait, I have a condescending story. About Todd. Ready?

First off, have I ever mentioned Todd's obsession with chapstick? No? Well, it's a full blown obsession. I think if he had to choose between chapstick and his family, he'd need a day or two to think it over. It really is that bad. So anyhow, a few days ago, he forgot to take his 'tube 'o love' to work. No chapstick. All day. He nearly broke from the stress of it all.

But Todd, being a grown up with an MBA, found a solution. He noticed that the cheese on his lunch potatoes were greasy. Grease and chapstick must be closely related because he wiped the cheese on his lips. Oh yes. On. His. Lips. He said it worked like a charm.

I'm stopping now. So I won't be condescending.
I'll let you do that all on your own.