The "To Do" List

I'm a list keeper. It's about the only time I find any control over my life. Writing it down means making it happen. Or so the theory goes.

1. Send a text (or have the high school announce it over the intercom) to Child #1 that reads: "If you ever eat an M&M McFlurry again, while driving my car, I will cut off your hair while you sleep." Them is fightin' words. Fo-Reals.

2. The next time The Husband goes out of town, never, ever, ever, ever ask him what he did for they day. It never goes well. Because while he was eating with adults only in a posh steak restaurant, you were at home watching the middle child strut through the kitchen like a pigeon while screeching like a pterodactyl.

3. Next time you hear Child #2 talking about 'cup stacking', that doesn't mean you need to try and be a supermom and buy a ginormous bag of cups to surprise her. Because it turns out she was talking about a song. Not the real thing.

4. Allergies are of the devil. And so is glitter. That's just a reminder.

5. Find a way to hide my money. The teenagers are sucking it out of my pores. The insanity has got to stop. Do you really think hiding it under the mattress would work? Oh, I know. I'll hide it under the vacuum. That thing is like kryptonite. They'll never find it.

6. Roll my eyes more and start saying, "It's not fair!" 400 times a day. If you can't fight 'em, join 'em.