What If

Have you ever considered what this holiday week would be like if the Pilgrims had fast food? Seriously, just think about it. What if the Indians had shown up and said, "Hey, we know a secret place. It's Indian name is Golden Arches. Put on your tall hats and bonnets and follow us. If you eat this food, you will never have to cook again." Just imagine a cornicopia full of big macs. The thought makes me tear up.

In every story version of the first Thanksgiving, I have never, ever read that all the pilgrim children stayed home from school for an entire week. When and how did this tradition start? Who was the first person that said, "I have a great idea. Let's plan a day where all you do is cook and clean dishes. And as an added bonus, let's cancel school so that all the children can stay at home to fight with their siblings and ignore their mother." Was there a point in time where that sounded like a good idea?

Every year I start a campaign to eat our Thanksgiving Feast at an all-you-can-eat buffet. I start early and campaign hard. And every year, my mom wrestles me to the ground and threatens my life. It's a fun little tradition. I think she finds great joy in scaring me. So, we cook.

I'm sure you're cooking too. And if you happen to be one of those people who get to go with the Indians to the Golden Arches, think of me. Please? If you close your eyes when you eat french fries, they taste just like turkey.