Three years is a long time to miss someone. Especially when he was your best friend.
I've tried to take an internal measurement of where my sadness dwells today compared to this moment three years ago. Grief tends to shift and move around. After awhile, it seems to find a comfortable spot and it lays down it's roots for the duration of forever.
Three years ago, I could not have imagined finding joy. But today, I find myself seeing it all around me. The sadness is there, with it's roots deep and firm. But, it has loosened it's grip every so slightly. It has made room for the joy to seep in.
I have yet to hang a picture of my dad anywhere within this home. It is still too hard. I wonder when that will change? Year 4? Year 8? Somewhere along the road, I'm sure that more joy will wear down the edges of the grief. At least I hope it will.
My sister-in-law is wiser than me in these things. She has sweetly reminded me that the hole carved out of my heart from tragedy, is always filled in with hope. A delicious and bright hope in another day and another place where we will be reunited. A hope that allows the joy to wiggle its way in.
Three years is such a very long time.
I miss you more than I ever thought possible.
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5 comments :
Lisa--- I rarely commit on blogs--I just enjoy them-- but this one is different. As I read it I stopped and gave reverence to the beautiful memory of my brother and think about how thankful and honored I am to be his sister. He was an example of everything good to everyone ! I hope and pray that joy and hope will continue to fill your heart---I think of you and your whole family so often and love you even more !!
Aunt Wanda
I agree. Nothing can replace the hole, I just pray it fills soon for you and your dear family :)
Sending Love
He's the best. As are his beautiful family. Love and hugs to you!
Hope that allows joy to find it's way in... that is a wonderful thought to hold on to. I love that word HOPE. Praying for a heart full of hope for you.
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