I Will Never

As I was getting into my van today, I took a quick overview of its appearance. One word--disgusting. Every window, and I mean EVERY window, is covered in feet prints, hand prints and smears where someone licked the glass. As I stared at these windows I realized that I never, ever thought I would me the kind of mom who would drive around in a van full of kids who licked the windows. I. Never. Thought.

This led me to think about all the other things that I thought I would never do. Here's what I have come up with so far:

• I never thought my phone number would be on the principal's speed dial.
• I never thought that I would have a child who would come home from school with holes in her shirt sleeves because she decided to bite through them.
• I never thought I would use bribery or threats to motivate my kids. But let's be honest, desperate times call for desperate measures.
• I never thought my mother would be right when she told me, "paybacks can be painful."
• I never thought I would have a child who would look at me and say, "you're boobs are so tiny."
• I never thought after earning a college degree I would spend my time cleaning up after people. all. day. long.
• I never thought that I would ever say, "because I said so, that's why!"
• I never thought there would come a day when I would yell at my kids. I know. Crazy, but true.
• I never thought that I would allow my child to dress like a Hobo and then take her out in public.

But, you know what? I also never thought that as I watched them step off the bus each day and run up the sidewalk, I would realize that they are my world. My lifelong, eternal world. Licked windows and all.

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For your enjoyment, here is a link to the funniest blog post I have read in months. I laughed so hard I snorted. Just a little.

If Only I Had A Heart.....